Four Hours Ago...

It would have pushed me to the brink to wake up and see that my stupid period has stained my sheets. (Damn those maxi pads!!!)

But now--minor inconvenience.

Still a little rocked that art teacher up and married over the summer. I truly thought we were soulmates. I did delete his number from my cell, but I just can't quite bring myself to delete his pics from my hard drive just yet.

Speaking of the Hurricane...

I would like to keep everyone there in my thoughts. The radio keeps playing a sound bite of an elderly man, he sounds black, talking about trying to save his wife, and her telling him he can't keep holding on to her, but he needs to take care of their children and grandchildren. He then says he is just lost. He has nothing. Even the reporter was crying.

I am freaked about a boy and something that happened 5 years ago, and really, in the grand scheme...

You guys are reaching out to me, and I need it and appreciate it, but these people need your thoughts and prayers even more at this moment.

You won't believe this...

BEAMER CALLED!!!
He was apologetic, but dealing with the hurricane has kept him late at the office every day.
They are trying to locate their employees, and can't find 200 of them, and relocating, finding jobs for those who they have located.
I jumped the gun, but what was I to think???

He is hoping to get off of work on time tomorrow, and asked me if I still wanted to come over and hot tub.
I politely said no hot tub, but I would love to come over.
He apologized about making me uncomfortable with the hot tub.
I laughed and said he is learning all of my secrets, and not because I want him to! I explained that timing is everything. He laughed, and I assured him that the following week would be a great time to hot tub together.

Did I say something about some art guy earlier? I don't recall.

And yes--I am going to be VERY careful and have a nice discussion with him tomorrow if we have time to get together.

Oh...By the way...Beamer called!!!

Oh! Damn! I need a bikini wax!!! And I need to paint my nails!!!

Just to cap off the evening...

I just found out the art teacher got married over the summer.
Our mutual acquaintance described the wife, and it sounds like he ended up marrying his drugged out ex-fiance (that I was NOT the rebound for...uh-huh...) who slept with his co-workers, friends, her co-workers, including another woman.
Great. Glad he likes the drama and dysfunction. Maybe I should have told him about my assault. He probably would have thrived on it.
(I'm not bitter, though. hahaha)

How come women like that are always in a relationship?

I guess I can delete him from my cellphone.

Because I am sooooo mature...

And then...

IM-guy gets back from Vegas this afternoon.

And e-mails me when he returned.

I may have been wrong about both boys.

So, now do I tell IM-guy what I told you guys if things get to that point?

Clarifications...

Because I already received one e-mail from y'all... :) (And that is totally cool! Really!)

I didn't tell my parents, because just a month or 2 prior we found out that one of my brothers, who had been going through severe depression and we were seriously concerned about him trying suicide, had been sexually abused as a child. We didn't know that the weird guy who hung out in the woods behind us was abusing him. One day my mom found him chasing my brother, and she chased the old guy off with a broom, and he was never seen again. Not knowing the full story, the rest of the family would bring it up, "Remember when that crazy guy was chasing Inky (brother's childhood nickname) and mom ran after the old coot with a broom?" We had no clue what we kept stirring up. So...with parents dealing with that, I saw no reason to add this to the pile of worries. Besides, I am a daddy's girl, and I couldn't bear the thought of him looking at me differently, like I was broken. (Brother is doing well now, by the way.)

At the time of the assault, I was dating a guy, who initially was very supportive. He was the one I called, who was at the hospital and police station with me. But, understandably, it became more than he could deal with, so once the red tape was dealt with, and I just needed to heal, physically and emotionally, he was out of there. I don't begrudge it to him. At the time I did, but I understand how difficult it had to be for him, and I am grateful that he did everything he did to help me out at the time.

I did have issues. Of course I did. How could I not? I wasn't implying that life went on. It didn't. I was weepy and withdrawn, but most people thought it was because the boyfriend and I broke up. Mom and Dad were preoccupied with getting my brother through his ordeal, so they just chalked it up to the easiest answer.

Then I started eating, and I started spending money. It was a vicious circle. I got fat, and my already teetering self-esteem plummeted, so I bought all sort of junk I didn't need in an effort to make myself feel better. Thus, my current financial situation, which is improving quickly now, but it was a lot of work to get to this point. I hate having a second job, but I have to pay the piper and Visa. (And ironically, it was the second crime, the hold-up, that made me start losing weight.)

The police--some were great, some not so much. Because the guy didn't deposit any DNA, and he was covered completely with gloves, long sleeves, etc, so I have nothing under my nails from fighting back, there was little they could do. They suspect that he either was impotent or he was an offender in another state that releases sex offenders if they do the chemical castration. Rape is a crime of violence and not sex. If a man wants to rape you, he doesn't need a hard-on. They did do some checking to see if there were any chemically castrated offenders who had broken parole. There were, but there was no way of locating where they were or had been. I looked at mug shots, but the guy had a ski-mask on and I didn't look at him too much anyway. (My description of the robber, however--dead-on. I don't know if it was because I had been through the other that I paid closer attention, or if it was just because he was stupid enough to not hide his identity. The police were very impressed with his composite, though.)

The state paid for therapy for a little while, and I used it, and it helped. I was in a group session, and know I was one of the victims who was better off. But don't think that I am not bothered that my guy is still out there. I was ready to face my accuser, too. I had only had 3 lovers in my lifetime, so there was no way my sexual history could be brought into this, really. And those 3 were all long term relationships. (Yup--I'm a sexual geek, but whatever).

Anyway, so, Miss Bethie is relatively fine, but has to deal with the sex issue, making me relive it, look and feel foolish, and scaring guys away. So, yes, sometimes I freak more than a situation calls for, like when a guy stops calling, but it is because of this, and especially when I have confided the situation to him. It hurts all over again.

Confession Time

So, Beamer never called. Y'all are probably getting ready to say all sorts of things to comfort me, tell me he wasn't worthy, etc.

Here, for me, is what makes him particularly a hard case. I told him something I am about to tell you guys, and it is something that VERY few others know about. Even my family doesn't know about this. Put on your seat belts, it is going to be a bumpy ride...

I was sexually assaulted a little more than 5 years ago. I did the cardinal sin of walking alone to my car in a dark alley late at night, after a concert. In fact, police said that the fact I had been to a concert, my hearing was probably somewhat impaired, so I never heard the guy.

The good news is, he didn't use his penis. He penetrated me with a dildo, so I had no concerns about pregnancy, disease, etc.

The bad news is, he didn't use his penis. The dildo he used was large, he was rough, and it tore up my vagina and it had to be sewn back together. So, basically, I am a virgin again. I am 35, and my vagina is the size of a person who has never been penetrated. Between insurance and victim's funding, I was able to have it put back together, but to have the surgery needed to make it a more "usable" size I would have to pay out of my pocket, and I just can swing it. It is considered elective surgery.

Soooo...(Hey, Marie, do you understand now why Art Teacher being extremely well-endowed was a major issue???) I always am in the quandary, do I tell the guy, because if we have sex, he is going to wonder what the hell is going on that I am a 35 year virgin. But the very, very few guys I am up front with, freak out and never call again. My trust in Beamer was established. He had confided in me about some issues, so I felt this was a safe guy to tell. Besides, he asked outright when the last time I had sex was while we were fooling around. He told me the last time for him was the fiance 6 months ago, and he isn't one to just go out and have casual sex. I told him my story was complicated, but later on, while just holding each other, making plans for Thursday, I asked him if he wanted to hear something heavy, and he said yes. I confessed. Without crying. He hugged me, told me that was terrible. We then kissed goodbye and said we would talk Monday.

I don't normally cry when I tell the story, because it is no longer "up front" in my mind. I assimilated it long ago. The assault, that is. But sometimes, I feel like this guy--who was never caught--is still winning. He keeps me from having relationships. When I am aroused by a guy, and wanting to go further, I have to decide what to do; what to say. It isn't easy. I don't tell, they ask why I am so tight. (Can't even use tampons, for goodness sakes!) It is like I didn't fully disclose. I do tell them up front, they freak and leave. The baggage is basically gone. I don't cry over this. I don't think about it until this dilemma hits me upside the head.

Part of me wants to e-mail Beamer and let him know that sex with him doesn't mean I think he is "the one" if that is what his freak out is over. I am attracted to him and think we could have a relationship, but I am not willing to say it is forever. And it wouldn't be an issue ever again, now that it is out there. I mean, CRIPES! If my family doesn't know (there is a good reason for that I will post another time...possibly later today), it isn't like it is something I am constantly talking about. In fact, I just told a person I have been friends since shortly after this had happened, and she said she had no idea anything traumatic ever happened to me. She said she was impressed with the way I handled being held up at gunpoint, but really was clueless about this--which is the way that I like it.

Anyway, I am not sure what I hope to achieve from this post. I want to e-mail Beamer. I want to talk this out. Maybe he just doesn't like me. It may have nothing to do with this, but it sure feels like the 2 are connected.

What a morning. I am off to get a Diet Coke and then do some work.

@#$%&*!

I hate PMS.
Absolutely hate it.

I would be depressed regardless, because Beamer hasn't called yet. I am thinking I am getting the blow-off. Bastard.

So, I am on the verge of tears and hating myself, my life, everything. Feeling foolish and used. Wondering what the hell happened.

Of course, if he does call, I will be hating life because I won't be wearing a swimsuit and enjoying the hot tub with him if he gets off of his ass and calls me!

Life sucks. Guess I need to get my profiles back up on the dating sites.

Needless to say...

I am now depressed and freaked...
because he hasn't called me tonight.

I shouldn't get so pumped up so easily, no matter how nice they seem.

Intellectually, I know he is probably watching the Monday night football game.

I was an idiot and called him. Left a message.

GAH! I HATE this!!!

On the plus side, IM-guy, while in Vegas, at least hasn't been on Match for the last 5 days. I think he'll call when he is back in town. Whenever that is.

Redemption!

Beamer digs me. Ain't no doubt about it.

While on the drive to The Boathouse, he had his hand on my thigh, and held my hand.

Once there, he was very openly affectionate, by stroking my hair, rubbing my neck and back and nuzzling me.

Way before the band was finished for the evening, he asked if I was ready to go. I was up in the air...is he asking me because he is done with me, or because he wants some "us" time.

It was all about the "us" time, baby.

He was trying to be a gentleman, and was afraid I was being amorous because I had had too much to drink (which I had, but I was feeling frisky before we even confirmed our date tonight, so there you have it.)

So, we were in the tiny beamer, making out like wild cats that needed to be neutered, and he told me I better get going. I asked if he wanted to go back to my car again, and he hesitated. He said again he wanted it to be me saying that and not the Cosmos. I assured him that the Cosmos had worn of an hour again, and I was perfectly aware of what I was doing. He relented eventually. We all knew he would.

So we went to the Santa Fe. He asked if I would come over to his place Tuesday or Thursday, because next weekend he was going to KC, and didn't want to wait 2 weeks to see me. COOL!!!

He kept asking if I would bring my swimsuit for the hot tub. I told him I wasn't sure I could find it, so we joked about what we could do about that. I asked if he had a privacy fence, he does, so I said the suit was optional. hehehe. He was a little shocked, but happy.

So, we had a replay of last Saturday, thing were excellent. He said over and over he would call me Monday. The only problem will be that my friend Mark starts working with me on Monday, and if he hears the conversation, he will never let me live it down. He is probably just jealous, though. But we actually had some deeper level conversation, and we both confided in one another. It was nice.

Oh, and I told him I was living at home, and all he said was, "So we will be spending time at my place and not yours?" I laughed and said that when I have company in the basement, which is refinished, they stayed away. I think he still prefers the idea of going to him place and leaving all elements of my parents out of it. Me, too.

Anyway, it has been a very, very long time since Miss Bethie has a little sumthin'-sumthin', but I think he will be the one. I told him it had been awhile. His last time was 6 months ago before his fiance ran off. We discussed whether or not I was a rebound. He assured me I wasn't. (Of course, so did the art teacher, and we all know how that ended!) But I am feeling confident, and I even went so far to tell him, (or the Cosmos did), that he was both a nice guy and sexy, and that was a rare and valuable combination. He lit up.

So...hopefully there will be another really good update next Thursday, early Friday. He seems very nice, and I like him. Hell, I am a bit smitten. He could be a faker and break my heart, but I refuse to live my life expecting the worst and hoping for the best. I will hope for the best, and know I deserve it!

Slightly Disappointed

So, Beamer called on his way home from the NFL fantasy draft.

Before he mentioned possibly just hanging out at his house, which I was really, really looking forward to.

Instead he suggested we go to The Boathouse and get a few appetizers and listen to some band. That is a nice night out, but Bethie wanted a night in!

He said he would call me at 6:30 to finalize the plans. My thought--meet him at his place so that we might have some alone time at the end of the evening.

He suggested that we meet in the parking lot where we always meet.

I am wondering if he is as interested as I once thought he was. Or maybe I am just over reacting.

Either are good possibilities.

My Students So Far...

THE GOOD

I have some kids who are really liking school and feeling successful so far. That makes me feel very happy. They still aren't my favorite group of students, but they are getting better and there are about a half-dozen or so that I am really beginning to like.

THE BAD

I have a student who is about a foot taller than me and probably about a hundred pounds heavier.
Guess what...he is violent, hates teachers and doesn't like to be told what to do. He is the student whose uncle was on the Meth show on A&E. Nice. He scares me already, and the year is young. I ticked him off already by telling to finish a history quiz before I had his file to learn of his aggressive behavior. I was told by the counselor, "Well, his teacher last year had no problems with him."

His teacher last year was a tall man who works out regularly (is hot, not that makes a difference) and could hold his own against this kid.

Fortunately, today he and I have gotten along really well.

THE UGLY

I also found out, after reading through file, that I have 2 students this year with such severe health problems, that they will have short lives. One I really, really like, too. In my years of teacher...starting 12 now...I have only had one student pass away, and that was a year after he was my student. Heart defect. It breaks my heart to see the likeable one, from a totally dysfunctional family, come here everyday, try his hardest, smile on his face, and being nice and positive to everyone.

Sometimes, kids absolutely amaze me.

Date night discussion with Beamer...

Not too much to report here. He called around 9:00, and he was just leaving the gym. He had another late night at his job.

He has his fantasy football draft with one of his leagues. This league knows little about football, but they love to socialize. The other league is all about stats and winning.

Anyway, that will go until about 5:00 or so Saturday, so we are going to go out afterwards. He will call.

He asked what I wanted to do, and I said if the weather cooperated, we could go to the City Museum because Friday and Saturday nights it is open for adults. He had never done that, and since it is one of my favorite places on earth, it sounds great. But a big chunk of it is outside. We are supposed to have rain all weekend. We have had storms all week and there is a big one overhead now as I type this. So, he slips in there, very casually, "Well, if the weather doesn't cooperate, we could always just hang out at my house, or your place, whatever."

I was sure I told him I had moved back with the parental units, but evidently not. Hope that doesn't turn him off too much! He is the one I am really digging right now!

Anyway...Yippee! I love staying-in nights, and while I rarely have one of those as a second date, I am really looking forward to that with him. And I hope there is a lot more making out. I am not sure why, when I have friends who have sex on the first date and even nameless sex, why I feel like a trollop for going to second base on a second date, and looking forward to a lot more or the same, and possibly then some. But that is my feeling on this guy. In fact, on the second date, while we were steaming up the windows of the Santa Fe, I said, "I don't think I have ever let a guy feel me up on the second date."

He backed away and apologized.

I pulled him back and said, "Oh, believe me, I was NOT complaining!"

I am going to get a pedicure tonight or tomorrow, too. I figured that since he loves to give me back rubs, neck rubs, and play with my hair, there is a good chance that he will rub my feet for me, too! ;)

I'll keep y'all updated on how it goes!

Date night with IM-guy...

IM-guy and I went to the movies and then out to dinner last night. An actual date. Not just the "wanna meet for drinks in an hour?" get together of the past.

IM-guy never actually tells me what he wants, he makes general hints, and if I don't respond the way he wants me to, he pouts. I never respond the way he wants me to. Example--he obviously was trying to get me somewhere where we could have some "alone" time, but he never actually said that he wanted to be alone with me. Instead, things went a little something like this:

"So, how are we doing this? Do you want me to pick you up, like a real date?"
"No, neither of us are ready for you to meet the parental units, so why not meet at the theater?" (The one he chose, by the way).
"I'm not exactly sure where it is. Why don't we meet in the McGurk's lot?" (Very close to where he lives).
"Because that is like 20 minutes in the opposite direction for me, and being that I am already spending $50 a week on gas, I am not willing to do that. What about the grocery store parking lot?"
"I can't keep my car in a parking lot." (He does always have a ton of product in the back of his van. So he says. I've never been it there. But he was willing to keep it in the secluded parking lot by his place, and he keeps it parked on a street in an area lined with bars and restaurants. Hell, he lives above a bar!)
"Well, I an really not wanting to drive all the way to Soulard. Let me give this some thought."
"Nevermind, I'll just meet you at the theater." He was then off to pout.

We met up though, and he was fine. I bought the tickets because 1. He always pays for my expensive drinks and 2. He has had a major money crunch. He bought the popcorn, bottled water and dinner and drinks afterwards. During the show I thought for sure he would put his arm around me, or hold my hand, or something. Especially given that there was no arm rest between us. But no. It was like I was at a date with a friend. A gay friend.

Okay, for as over-sexed and randy as he always seems to be about women, he has some stereotypical gay behaviors. I hate to stereotype, but I actually am beginning to think he maybe at the very least bi-sexual, if not gay. He may be in denial, or I may be totally off...I sort of hope.

There were signs I blew off...like the fact he works in the fashion industry and is very concerned with how he dresses. There is that he highlights his hair with a touch of strawberry blonde to break up his blonde-blonde. But yesterday I noticed that he is very dramatic and exaggerates. Also, when he talks, he doesn't sound gay, but he doesn't sound straight, either. It is solidly somewhere in between. I was just getting a vibe yesterday. After dinner we he walked to me to my car and we kissed a little bit, no major kissy-face, though. Although, he made many innuendos and had to tell me about the girl he had sex with who took him to a construction site and had her way with him--she has since been on Jenny Jones because her friends think she is a Hoochie-Mama. (There was a semi-valid reason for that to come up in conversation, but he does like to remind me what a hot commodity he is.)

He said we would talk before he leaves on Saturday. After I talked to Beamer, I got online, and sure enough, there he was. I teased him about saying he was going to bed early, and there he was. He told me he couldn't keep the lady-folk waiting for a reply. Whatever. That was all he said, until he signed off, when he said good night.

Oh, but something sweet he said, he always get really yawny when we go out. I tease him about it and act like I am in a huff because he thinks I am boring. He assured me I am not boring and told me that I should take it as a compliment that he is so comfortable and "safe" around me, that he can be that relaxed. Sounds like a line, but a good one.

Update on my update...

Linae already asked!
I was going to post last night, but between being behind on school stuff--I haven't been home one night this week--and just being exhausted--again, haven't been home one night this week--I didn't have it in me, although I have plenty to say.

Basic gist--IM-guy was perfectly respectful, well, basically.
Beamer did call and we are going out Saturday after his Fantasy Football draft. Yeah, he is geeky, too, but in a totally different way than the Brit. :)

Update as soon as I get the chance. Off to first hour right now!

The Boyz

This is Beamer--the one whose hand is in his face so it is a little difficult to really tell anything, but he has a very pleasant, if not "hottie" look about him.





This is another pic of IM guy. This is his headshot from when he was doing stand-up. Tell me that isn't a combo of Anthony Michael Hall and Boris Becker! :)

Open House Night

I hate open house. I live so far away from school, and of course, with gas prices being what they are, I wasn't about to drive back to St. Louis for 2 hours and then turn around. But I was fairly productive and IM guy and I chatted--he was having a rough day.

But we are going out Thursday to the movies. He was concerned that I have to work the next day and he didn't want me too tired. And he wanted to see the romantic comedy rather than the vulgar one. I think he is starting to feel a little protective of me.

Oh, but back to open house... (I keep telling y'all that ADD is contagious!)

I have 4 kids who have parents that work in the district.
One of those parents works in the Central Office with the big wigs.
And her daughter told her mama that the science teacher and myself are her 2 favorite teachers EVER. That is good and bad...the superintendent will definitely hear that, but it may cement this damn special ed thing for the rest of my natural born life.

Another student I had waaaaay back when I was at the elementary school. Her mom told me that she wanted me to have her daughter again so badly, that she was ready to throw a fit in the office if need be. She said to me, "I was prepared to let them know I had never put in any request for a specific teacher before, and I think all parents should get one year out of 13 where they can choose their child's teacher, and I was willing to use that card on you." Very touching.

And one of the students I feel like I made a huge difference in her life, stopped by to thank me. We didn't get to talk too much, because all these parents kept coming in, but it was great to see her looking so happy and "normal".

And them IM guy was waiting for me when I finally got home and logged on the computer. He was sweet talking again. It is like he is falling for me, but I don't entirely trust him.

And given the choice of the 2, Beamer is a nose ahead, right now.

Beamer & IM-guy

So, I was a little disappointed when I called Sunday night and Beamer wasn't home and didn't return my call.

I was concerned when I was leaving school for the day and no e-mail.

In the meantime, IM guy e-mails me, and actually asks me on a date! I swear, he has a sixth sense whenever I am interested in someone else. Seriously.

He was very sweet and kept paying me compliments and called me when I was leaving school.

I was absolutely neurotic by 7:00 when there was still no word from Beamer.

He called at 7:30 and was just leaving work and didn't realize he had a phone message from me. He was on his way to the gym and I was working the second job.

I told him I would call at 9:00 when I left work. I called, he didn't answer. Around 9:30 he returned the call and we talked for about a half hour. He told me what a great time he had Saturday and that he was looking forward to doing it again this weekend. ME TOO, as it just so happens. He is calling me Thursday when he knows what his week looks like to make plans for Saturday.

Of course on Thursday I should be on my date with IM guy, unless he is called out of town for work, which is a distinct possibility.

So then while I was talking to Beamer (picture to follow soon. I think I have it on my hard drive at home, but I am at school until 8:30 tonight) when IM guy started IMing me. I told him that A&E had a special about meth and that it was filmed in my district. He jokingly said he has meth-mouth, as it is called. I told him I noticed it when we were kissing. He then plays dumb--we kissed before? Oh, that's right. It has been so long ago that I've forgotten.

I let him have. He has no idea how many times I blew some guy off or didn't answer right away that if I would go on a date over the weekend, just waiting for IM to ask me on a date. I gave him every hint, and all he could do was tell me that he was busy, he was talking to other girls on Match, whatever. He piped down, but then said that he had asked me to go to the movies that night, but I was working. I then said it is interesting to me that I can remember his schedule, which is always changing, and where he is, while he can't remember Mondays and Wednesday. He shut up again, then got a phone call himself and had to go. But he did tell me who sweet and nice I am that he is digging that.

Both boys travel so much with their jobs, plus Beamer is on the social committee for his fraternity, so he is often busy. I think I could easily date both of them and they would be none the wiser. :)

We're (In)Famous!

The county my school district is in was prominently featured in an A&E special last night. In fact, the uncle of one of my students was prominently featured.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the county my school is in in the Meth capital of the nation! Go me!

We can't even get any damn business taxes out of it!

And they showed the town and even the bar where I used to win a lot of karaoke contests.

Made me depressed, really. These poor kids, what can you do for them?

Well...

He didn't call, but I called him about a half hour ago and left a message.
He is a huge sports fan, and I am sure he was watching the Cardinals game and the Rams game.
He also used to be in a frat and hangs with the boys quite a bit, so maybe that is where he was.
I don't need to freak, right?
[I know I am totally neurotic! Tell me something I didn't know!]

Weekend date update

About Last Night...

Beamer is a very attentive, sweet, affectionate guy. We went to the comedy club and luckily is was a funny show. [Once I went there on a date, and the closing joke ended with the line, "Hey! If I can put pussy in my mouth, I can put anything in my mouth!" awkward!]

Anyway, I sipped on Cosmos and laughed a lot. I noticed he was making this noise the entire time. At first I thought it was that he was moaning when he breathed, then I thought maybe someone else was making this noise. It was definitely him. What the heck is that about?

At one point he leaned as if he was trying to see the show, and put his hand on my knee as if he were balancing himself. I looked at him, and he quickly said, "Sorry! I am leaning on you to see the stage." I just smiled. He moved his hand. He did it again later, and I put my hand on top of his, just so he knew I was okay with that. He was so nervous at first, he was shaking and his palm was a little sweaty. He relaxed though and held my hand through the rest of the show.

After the show, we went next door to the jazz club, which, I have to say, I have never actually seen a jazz band there, much to my chagrin. I seem to be there every time it is a classic rock night, or an Allman Brothers tribute band. Seriously. Regardless, it was relaxing and we were very much at ease. He rubbed my back, we ordered more Cosmos, talked, laughed, and he told me that he has a new blender and he is going to learn to make daiquiris for me. He has a hot tub, and while he didn't mention that we would use that, it was understood that I will eventually be in there with him. :)

At the jazz club I noticed he was still making that noise, so I asked him about it. He said he hums to himself when he is happy, like a kitten purrs. I am a people watcher, and I was getting a kick out of this lady who was almost old enough to be my mother dancing on stage, wearing a sequined cami, playing a tambourine who was not really part of the band. I said she was happy, and watching her made me happy, and Beamer told me that was all he needed--me being happy--for him to be happy. And he had this totally sincere look on his face. He rubbed my back, held my hand and we nuzzled quite a it.

When we walked back to his car, we held hands, and it just felt normal. And can I say how sweet it is when a guy grinds the gears on his $40,000 sports car because he wants to keep holding your hand? We got back to the parking lot where we met, and we started kissing, which was cramped, so I suggested we go to my car. He looked at me with this mixture of shock, and "You totally rock!" on his face. He was sweet and kind and a gentleman, but not too much of a gentleman. ;) After an hour and a half, we finally said our good nights and went home. It was a seven hour date. Not too shabby--although I have had eight hour dates and a nine hour date (art teacher) in the past. He said he would call me today, and if he really does, we may have a keeper. Keep your fingers crossed!

Morning Meeting

All I am saying is, I wish I would have woken up on time this morning, so I didn't have to go to brunch with the Brit smelling like Beamer. I don't think he noticed, thank goodness.

He was better looking in person, only because he has pretty blue eyes, but at the same time, I wasn't overly attracted to him. He was nice, he was funny, he was a bigger dork than even I can handle.

I like the Lord of the Rings movies, he is obsessed with both the books and the movies, to the point of being a nerd.

I love my sports. He is to the point that he does the whole face painting/costume thing.

He was interesting, though, and a nice person, and I would easily go out with him again, but I can tell right now that there will be no long term, ever-lasting love here. There are several reasons, but it just isn't in the cards. Too bad--he has potential, but it isn't going to be a good fit.

If I could get his accent, niceness and security both financially and emotionally, with IM guys charisma, humor and magnetism, I'd be set. Oh well.

Beamer is a definite maybe--and I no longer care that he looks like an ex-boyfriend who treated me like dirt.

IM-Who???

IM guy is now in second place behind Beamer guy.
I didn't think Beamer had the charisma and magnetism. Truth be told, he doesn't, but he has something far more important...Character.
And anytime I said something made me happy, he said if I was happy, then he was happy. He seems like a sweetheart, assuming he calls me tomorrow like he said he would.

And yes...we made out in the parking lot like a couple of high school kids. In fact, we had to move out of his tiny little 2-seater and go into the Santa Fe. Damn I am glad I got the SUV! It was worth every penny--even if it did cost me $40 to fill up today!

Night all--y know I'll post details tomorrow...after the date with the Brit, most likely.

So much to say...so little time!

I swear, this teaching thing is really cutting into my blog time!

First off, my friend Diane, who moved to Seattle and checks in on the blog was in town and we were able to get together for happy hour. It was a blast seeing her. I am not sure why people think we are loud and chatty when we are together! ;)

IM-guy...One minute he acts totally interested, the next, indifferent. I play him pretty much the same. I really should forget him, but there is just a certain spark about him all of the other guys I am going out with lack.

BMW-guy...second date tonight. Comedy club, then next door after the show to the jazz club. I love jazz. He seems into me and is nice and saves animals. Well, he saved a Bassett hound, but whatever.

Brit...first date tomorrow. Good thing he has the accent, because he sort of bores me. Maybe in person it will be different.

I am quite sure there will be MANY stories this school year. This group of kids are a mess! Usually I say that, and I mean that in a fun, "I adore this kid!" kinda way. But this time it wasn't said in that tone.

But it should make for some fun reading for you guys! :)

Back in the trenches...

Today I had students back.
And I also had THREE parents either call me or stop in my classroom to discuss their child. (I thought I was going to like having a phone in my classroom. Boy, was I wrong!) And a lot of this was about things the previous year's teacher had determined for their child. I don't know why Mr. Teacher put your child in these classes. I just met your child today and didn't have any sort of meaningful conversation with him. Could you give me a day of 2 to get to know your child, please?

It is going to be a long year.

But on the bright side (the director of the Equine Assisted Therapy gives me grief about always having a bright side)the idiot assistant principal is no longer an issue, and one of my favorite students from last year--actually one of my faves of all-time, came to visit me at the end of the day today.

That alone is enough to sustain me a little while longer.

My first day at school...

I hope this is not any indication of how my year is going to be.
Yesterday I went to school for some meetings and to do some work in my room.

The new building looks good and almost everyone is very excited about the new year.

The secretary, who is one of the nicest people on earth, was telling us where various forms and whatnot are located. She then says that the mailboxes are much higher than they were at the old middle school. She then says, "Poor Miss Bethie, her box is at the top!"

I was wearing my 3 inch heels yesterday. I still couldn't reach my mailbox. They wanted them in alphabetical order, but is was silly that the teacher who is 4'11" had her box in the highest row, and that the 6'6" teacher had his in the lowest row.

I had no "teacher chair." I had to hunt one down.

The AC isn't working. Actually, the AC works fine, but the computer system it is controlled by is down.

Our phones/intercoms don't work.

I have the high maintenance kids on my caseload. Including a bi-polar who sells her meds.

My dry erase marker set was missing a few markers. (These come at a premium!)

On the bright side...because my small, dark room is an interior room, should we have a tornado, and at this rate, it is certainly possible, my students and I are allowed to just stay there!

Oh, that and one of the hot coaches, who doesn't even know I am alive, is at the new school with us. At least this place has some eye-candy!

OMG!!!

I had my first ever massage today.
I am now officially hooked!
I wasn't sure if I could fully relax laying on a table all naked and vulnerable and have someone touching all over me.
Boy, was I wrong.
And the icing on the cake...She gave me certificate for another free hour because we had a mix-up on when my appointment was.
SWEET!

He just keeps reeling me in...

IM guy wanted to see me today, but I had to pass because I had so much to do for school tomorrow.

He got snotty with me, and I called him out on it and told him when he decided to stop being a dick-lick, to give me a call.

He apologized and told me he was just tired and getting ready to drive to Minnesota at 5:00am and was crabby.

I told him that I am not prepared to start school tomorrow, I'll be getting up at 4:30, I am tired and want to get some sleep, but can't, yet I was still being nice. Then, in a fiery moment, I said that he hates the fact I am nice, though.

He wrote back, "Stop it! I love that you are nice. I might miss out on something really great, and regret it forever."

I told him he was moodier than me, but forgave him anyway. Especially after he started throwing around names like "honey" and "lover",

Jellyfish have more spine than me!

Be still my beating heart!

Here is an e-mail I received this weekend...

Im a little dude wanting to meet a nice little woman who loves people and likes to have a good time

He is wearing a spiked collar and looks like a junkyard dog, too. Probably little-man syndrome.

Then there is a guy I have been communicating with for some time, who sent this to me today...

Oh, I am letting my subscription to match run out. I have pretty much decided that I am wasting money every month and then I feel weird waiting to see if I got a wink or an e-mail or whatever and with the exception of you, it has just been a parade of freaky people. I thought about changing my profile to say"Hi, I am short, 37, living across the street from my parents, and a student in school. My income is poverty and I have two children from my ex-wife who live in a different country. I am jaded, neurotic and occasionally in a pissy mood. If any of this sounds good to you please don't respond because you will only write me once and then block my profile. Thanks for shopping bu bye" Does that sound bad?;o)

Yeah--makes me wonder why I am bothering...and am not sure that I will any longer.

Also, while I was thinking I need to not get mixed up with IM guy just today, and my friend Mark told me not to (although, I think Mark is a little jealous that I am considering having a strictly sexual relationship. I mean, criminy! I am 35 and have never done that before! I have 8th grade students who have had more partners, and probably better sex, than I have. I am due. I am always a good girl and always focus on my family, friends and students. Maybe Miss Bethie just needs a little sumthin'-sumthin' and I can move on and find a "real" relationship.) you get stuff like this, and IM guy looks wonderful and like he has potential all over again!

I lost my virginity yesterday

It is true. I had never had phone sex before last night, but now I have lost my duel band digital cherry.

I know I don't even have to tell you who I was talking to when this happened.

There was a glorious, dark thunder storm rolling through. He wanted to get off of his computer because he doesn't have a surge protector (Because, as usual, we were IMing). He asked if he could call me, and I said sure. We were talking about how we both love thunderstorms and kissing in the rain, and so on. We were joking around and things were normal (as normal as they ever are with IM guy) when I laid down on my bed. I guess he heard me moving and asked me what I was doing. I told him I just laid down on my bed, and he said he was going to join me by laying on his bed. He asked if my door was locked, and I said no, but that is no problem--no one ever just walks into my room.

I will spare you direct details. He asked me if I would, and a few times during asked if I was okay with it or not. He took the lead, I kept up as best as I could and did okay, though I am sure not great. It sort of reminded me of Jeanne Garofalo and Ben Chapman in The Truth About Cats and Dogs. Except she's funnier than me and he has an adorable puppy.

At one point he said, "You have watched all the right videos." I laughed and said that some things are instinctual. (Mainly because I haven't watched porn since I was about 14 and one of my friend's parents was out of town and we found some porn on cable).
I then said, "I am always amazed that I will have students who can barely string together 2 coherent sentences, but they can still manage to have sex and reproduce."
After a pause IM guy says, "I guess we are done, then."
"Why do you say that?"
"You just started talking about your students."
I laughed and we got back into the groove.

And just to prove that this boy gets to me, I spent over $200 at Victoria's Secret today after my lunch date. I don't need anymore bra/panty sets, and I really didn't need the little sexy ensemble I bought, either. And I was thinking about not only what I would feel confident in, but also what I know he finds sexy.
But it was also good to see my buddy Laurie who is a manager there and we were able to chat and catch up! {Hi Laurie! Glad you read this when you get the chance!}

Also, this transpired between 2 dates. Does this make me a cyber-slut?

First date was a nice guy and he seems like he was a nice, normal guy who loves animals and wants a relationship. His fiance left him at the alter in March, however, and I am not sure I want to get into that mess after having dated Art Teacher last fall who had just ended an engagement and smashed my heart into a thousand pieces. But this guy has already e-mailed me to say he is looking forward to getting together again.

Second date was a final date with the alcoholic doctor. YIKES!

Go Bethie! Go Bethie!

The week before this one, I was a dessert eatin' fool. And not just desserts, but decadent, rich, beautiful works are sugary, fluffy, pastry, pie, and cake art.

I skipped my Weight Watcher's weigh-in last week, because besides my week-long splurge, Aunt Flo paid me a visit. A bad weigh-in, while expected, could have put me on a suicide watch.

I went today and was expecting that I was either the same weight, maybe even a pound or 2 more that the weigh-in from 2 weeks ago.

But neigh. I was down 3.4 pounds! And I didn't really try!

Maybe it is all the dirty phone talk and IM messages. Could be my parking lot kissy-face escapades. But no matter what the reason, I was happy with my weigh-in. Finally a decent one!

I celebrated by eating a bag or the new Mega M&M's.

As a side note...

When you are talking to a former stand up comic, the first time he was trying to talk dirty to me, I thought it was a joke.

Seriously, it was about 1:30 am, and he has asked what I was wearing to bed (after I dropped the phone while changing into my jammies--which were boring). He then told me he was naked and had a bottle of strawberry massage oil. He then was all, "Oh my gosh! I just spilled it all over my bare chest! Oh, wait! I need to clean it off! It is just smearing all over!" He sounded so frantic, I just started laughing.

I felt badly when I realized he was acting out a fantasy. And here I always thought I had such a good imagination.

Boy Rant

IM guy.
I like him.
I hate him.
He is so complicated.
He is so unlike anything I am normally attracted to.
He likes to talk dirty to me. He likes to tell me he was thinking of me while he was masturbating. He asks me details from my (boring) past.

But then, he will actually have a conversation with me, and it is great. We have chemistry. The stand up/improv guy thinks I am funny. We are like Hepburn and Tracy, with a lot more talk about erections and panties. (Well, any talk of erections and panties is a lot more than what Hepburn and Tracy talked about!)

He will confide in me and tell me he is wanting a relationship, but that he is so broke, no girl would want to be with him. He can't afford to date.

He pouts if I have a good date (he asks me all the time about my dates, and I am not going to lie if he asks) and relishes it when I am not interested. When a date does go well, he asks if we made out, if he is better looking than the date, funnier, etc. And I thought I had self-esteem issues!

We talk more, he tells me I am sweet. Gives me compliments. All is right with IM guy.

Next time we talk though, he may be dark and insulting. A few times I can pass it off as his attempt at humor, but not as often as he makes the cracks.

When I then ignore him online, he is finds me and reels me back in.

I adore the nice, funny, and even the sexual IM guy.
This darkness could just be that he is going through a rough time right now with his business. But then, if a friend of mine were interested in him, I'd tell her to run away as fast as she can.

Which Miss Bethie is right?

IN OTHER NEWS...

Had a lunch date whose company I really enjoy. I don't think we could ever work long term, but maybe he and British Boy and a few others, including a sugar daddy, are just the distractions I need to forget about IM guy.

*Note to self--don't EVER tell IM guy about my blog!

A new guy on the horizon...

IM guy and I still talk, and I am sure we will get together again, but he is also pursuing many other women--which is totally fine--so I am keeping my options open. In fact, I am waving in as many options as possible. IM guy is sweet, sometimes, but I am quite sure he is a player. And he really isn't my type, but there is something primal and sexy about him, yet geeky and affable. If I were to change my spots and have careless, meaningless sex, it would be with him. But I don't think that will happen. Much to his chagrin.

So first off, it is funny that there are 5 guys I am actively talking to and/or seeing now and again, but I only need to remember 2 names. Yup...3 guys have one name, 2 have another. It gets confusing.

I just had a conversation with a guy that lasted 2 and a half hours. He is taking a group of underprivileged kids from East St Louis camping this weekend. He volunteers and loves kids. He has a black Labrador. He is funny and smart. But the best part of talking to him is that HE HAS AN ENGLISH ACCENT!!!

Okay, really, that is secondary. But if you are going to talk to someone for that long, it is a nice bonus. He would interrupt himself and say, "I'm sorry. I am just prattling on about myself when what I am interested in is hearing more about you."
I was like, "No! Keep talking!"

Anyway, we'll see what happens. He's a very busy guy, but I like him so far, and I am busy, so we'll see if we can work around it.

The Gym...

I have not been to my gym for about 9 months.
Sad, but true.
I renewed my membership last week, and told them I would be in later for my re-orientation.
I did that today.
Those who know me from WW may recall the trainer from hell. She actually made me cry, and I was unable to walk for 3 days because of her not listening to what I can and cannot do with my bad knees. It was a miserable experience.
Well, my advisor (as opposed to a trainer) was not much better. I mean, I was no where near crying or anything, but she ticked me off about as much.
She never asked me my goals, if I have any limitations, if there was a reason why I stopped going before, what brought me back...NOTHING. She seemed annoyed that I was there (I interrupted a phone call, evidently--even though I had an appointment and showed up exactly on time).
She "walked" me through the program she had made up for me--before ever laying eyes on me. Since I was a member before, she gave me the next step up program--sight unseen. I walk, and I do physical work during the summer, so I don't think I am a wimp, but I also am not an ox, either.
She was showing me some machines, and I said I doubted I could do that.
With total flat affect, "Yes you can."
Move on to next thing. She never showed me the proper way to use the machines, nor did she discuss what weights I should use--because she had written them in there before ever consulting with me.
There was a girl there, about 10 years younger than me and much bigger and stronger looking than me, who was using 25 pounds on the lateral machine, while I was expected, after a 9 month hiatus, to do 40.
The Roman Chair. Sure, I haven't even done a crunch in about 6 months, but let me step onto this thing and repeatedly pull my knees to my chest while holding myself upright with my shoulders and arms. And I am sure the inverted sit ups with an 8 pound medicine ball will be a breeze.
After the adorable Amanda walked off, I floundered through on my own and did what I felt able to do. Afterwards I walked up to a different advisor, who had just finish talking with her client and making a workable program together, and told her that dear Amanda didn't check that I have physical limitations on my card, because she didn't bother to ask.
The whole experience left me in a snit and I am a little crabby about a few other things I just don't want to post about just yet.
GGGRRRRRR!
I need to work on making this successful for me this time not just in spite of her, but to spite her. (As if she would care about my success one way or the other!)

Murphy's Law

I was a little down because I had a bit of a dry spell last week with the boy-toys.
Now that I met IM guy and we had a lovely date, some of my old faves are back e-mailing me and wanting to meet.
Never fails, does it?
As we all know, I am all about options.

Can I count Bailey's as a dairy serving???

Hey all!
I have been having some serious insomnia issues, just in time for the start of the school year!
So, since I can't sleep, and my wittle head is hurting, thought I would update y'all on my evening.
On my 100th post I told you I was finally meeting IM guy for drinks.

Here is pretty much how it went:

He called me on my cell at 10 till 8:00 when I was on my way to meet him. We talked on the phone until we got to the lot where we said we were meeting. He looks a lot like Boris Becker, which is fine by me. I always thought Boris was pretty cute, if a little more stoic than my liking. IM guy is anything but stoic.
He instantly gave me a big hug and huge smile and we were joking and laughing like we'd known each other for ages. The comfort level was nothing like a first date.
We sat inside the bar, which is one of my faves, and about 2 minutes from where he lives.
He went to the bar to get us our drinks, we talked and joked some more. He kept telling me what a nice girl I am.
At first I as like, "Okay, big guy, where are you going with this?"
He was teasing me about not having any skeletons in the closet and no dirty stories to tell. I just smiled (and thought, "DAMN! He's right! I really don't! As I told Peggels sometime ago, I don't think I have ever had really good sex, even. She assured me that if I think that, I haven't.)
Finally I told him that I have never had a one night stand, sex on a first, or second or even third date, and I didn't really see any of that changing.
He told me he thought that was great and nothing to be ashamed of. I told him I sometimes envy my freer friends and acquaintances, (let me tell you, it just took me about 5 times to get that word typed correctly!), but by the same token, I have no regrets about anything I have ever done, nor have I ever not been able to face anyone for anything I have done.
He then told me he actually thought that was great, and that he has had his fill of wild girls, and he is now at a point where he wants a nice girl who can be naughty with him, but is the sort of girl to settle down with.
I told him I am very intrigued with boys who were once bad boys and know what they are doing, but have sown the wild oats, want to settle down, but have lots of tricks.
"Well, yeah! Who doesn't want to know that when they get married the sex will always be great!" And he smiled.
He is very funny, and we never, ever ran out of things to talk about.
We then moved out to the patio, and proceeded to have several more drinks.
He wanted to get out in the open that right now, he is still starting up his business and things are a little tight, and that he is on a budget.
"Ummm...IM guy...I'm living back with my parents. I totally get the budget thing."
He was relieved to hear that, and went on to explain that his business is doing 3 fold better than last year, and it should continue to grow and end up being very lucrative.
There was a misunderstanding on me being finished. I meant I was finished drinking alcohol, he thought I meant I wanted to go home, so when I went to the bathroom, he paid up the tab. I was a little disappointed. When I told him that wasn't what I meant, but that was fine, he looked happy that I wasn't really ready to call it a night, but also disappointed that he has already paid up.
He walked me to my car, which was right next to his. (He drives this totally horrid sea foam minivan with decals on the side. It is hysterical. He needs a minivan for his work).
In the parking lot, we hugged, and he was joking about dancing with me. He then serenaded me with the song "Beth" by Kiss, in a completely (intentionally) dorky way. We then made out in the parking lot (quickly becoming a theme of mine).
And it was worth the IMing wait. But he was really sweet and cool about it. And joked that kissing like that, maybe I am not quite as nice as he thought. :)
Finally we parted.
When I pulled out of the lot, a police officer pulled out right behind me like he was watching me.
Whatever. I didn't have that much to drink, so I wasn't too worried.
I few minutes later, my cell rings, and IM guy is asking if that officer is still following me. (He went in the opposite direction once out of the lot. I told him no. He thought for sure the guy was going to try and pull me over the way he pulled out behind me, not yielding to IM guy in his way cool minivan.
He said he was ready to call his landlord, who is an alderman, to get me taken care of if I had been pulled over.
He then said he wanted to keep me on the phone until I got home, so he knew I made it okay. (Very sweet!)
I got home and told him I was fine, and we still continued talking. We talked for about another hour and a half. We were discussing 80's music and whatnot. He was so impressed with my knowledge of obscure bands that he said, "I am so impressed that the next time I see you, I am going to reward you with putting my tongue in your mouth again!" (Okay, that sounds totally lame, but when he said it, it was pretty damn funny. He was a comedian at one time, and he has good delivery).
Do I think he is the one? I didn't catch that vibe, but one never knows.
Do I see myself dating him for awhile? Yes, actually, I think I can see that.
And to think I had just about given up on him.

Holy Moly! Can You Believe It?

IM guy and I are actually meeting! Yes! 'Tis true! We talked on the phone and made plans to meet at my favorite bar.
Huh...I was beginning to think it wasn't going to ever happen.
Of course I am bloated and have the biggest pimple known to man on my forehead (Thanks, Aunt Flo!) but whatever.
And he used to be a stand-up comic, so even if we don't make out, like we have both said we would, at least I know I'll be laughing a lot tonight.
Now off to shave and whiten my teeth. :)

Boy-toy updates...

I seriously think the doctor might have a drinking problem, so I am X-ing him off.

Bald and Beautiful, I think, is not as wonderful as he led me to believe. We had the one date, and I think he was just soliciting sex from me! I know a lot of people who have sex on the first or second date, and there are many times I envy that, but it is TOTALLY not who I am, so there you have it. And just because a guy has been snipped, doesn't mean I want to jump in the sack with no regard for consequences! That doesn't prevent STDs, moron! It is too bad, because I really did like him at first, but it does bring a close to my dilemma of whether or not I want to date a guy not willing to have (anymore) kids.

I have a couple of new prospects, but they are only "okay" at this point.

Told IM boy that we can't make out if we never meet. He told me I was just teasing him (and while I wouldn't have sex on those early dates, I would make out if the chemistry was there!). He is out of town again this weekend. He travels so much, I am not sure when we will meet.

There is a former linebacker pursuing me, too. Can you imagine short little me with a linebacker? HA! He teaches, now, so we have that and our love of football in common. (and, Diane, he is quite a bit shorter than Grant, so we won't look as silly as he and Melissa!) :)

Guess that is it for now!

Congrats to Jeff!

From Rolling Stone Magazine.
Jeff is the owner of the Creepy Crawl and a good guy--even if he tends to be exceptionally late anytime we go out!

Venues: While exploring the Loop, catch a show at Blueberry Hill, which consumes an entire city block and contains two venues: the Elvis Room, where hilarious karaoke action occurs four nights a week, and the Duck Room, which on Fridays hosts a grand hip-hop party called the Science. Area DJs, breakers and freestylers throw down and the whole shebang is broadcast live on community station KDHX. Frederick's Music Lounge is an integral part of the city's alt-country scene. The South City venue's specialty drink is a mix of whiskey and chicken broth called Cock Soup. Cicero's, meanwhile, used to be an alt-country standby; nowadays, the club sticks mostly to booking jam bands. Impervious to change, however, is punk venue the Creepy Crawl. It books up to ten bands a night for a crowd anxious to mosh to tunes by the likes of Motion City Soundtrack. For those anxious to sit down, there's the Pageant, a 1,500-capacity, balconied theater that welcomes acts like Elvis Costello.

Hey Marie!

While I did NOT go on a date with a pig farmer tonight, I DID go out with the son of a pig farmer tonight! Well, technically, he no longer farms and it was all types of livestock, including pigs, but it was more agriculture than livestock, even.

But that isn't nearly as good of a story as simply saying, I went out with a pig farmer tonight!

{Nice guy, didn't feel a connection. Would go on a second date if he asked.}

I Messed Up!

I am at the second job, and I knew I should do it as I did it, but I did it anyway.

If that didn't confuse you too much, read on...

I was talking to a customer who said she loved our service dept., but she could go to a local chain and get the work done more cheaply. She carried on from there, which was fine, that doesn't bother me.

What did bother me was her claim that the local chain was so wonderful. They are totally dishonest and I know for fact (for those who don't recall or never knew, my dad owns an auto parts store) that they have even told customers they had to replace parts THAT DON'T EVEN EXIST ON THE VEHICLE!!!

Now, my job is at a dealership, and dealerships do charge more, generally, and I totally acknowledge that. But I suggested she go to an independant Honda dealer. She asked why, and I told her why.

She was pissed. She'll probably complain, and may even tell the local chain. I am a little worried, but I don't care. I just wish somebody would get wise to these crooks and report them to the BBB.

I am shocked I was that unprofessional, and am worried I am going to get reamed for it, but, it is water under the bridge at this point!

Back to work now.

Careful what you wish for...

I got this e-mail tonight, shortly after saying that I haven't had a lot of bites lately. This is what I got. Thank God I have a healthy sense of humor!

The first time my heart was broken I thought I was through; I swore I'd never love again and believe me this was true.But am tired of loneliness.I don't need anyone to take advantage of my weaknesses or my strengths, I need someone who will appreciate me for everything that I am.
Love is hard to find, but once its found you won't regret it.Are you still single? Do you like being single? Do you believe in true love? The biggest obstacle of love is the fear of not being loved.
Am Gregory Daneil, male,40, caucasian. Am a widower,and i do volunteer work in africa. my email address is --------- and my yahoo chat id is ---------.
MY UNDERSTANDING OF LOVE IS.....,To love someone is to understand each other, to laugh together, to smile with your heart and to trust one another.Love, an emotion so strong that you would give up everything. To just feel it once, to know that you are part of something special. To know that you can feel what love really is; to know, to feel, to love.And i think the purity and trueness of love through an Internet relationship far passes that of one based on physical contact.i will be back home in a few weeks and would like to get to meet you in person.
i will delete my profile from this dating site after i have sent you this, so please dont reply me on this dating site again email me at

Are y'all jealous?
Yeah.
And no, his e-mail wasn't bigdork@yahoo.com, and no, I didn't reply, either.

Who's your daddy? I'm not your mommy!

So, I got an e-mail today from the guy with the kid who wanted me to meet his little boy after going on 2 dates.

Hell, as long as I am posting their pics, I may as well post their e-mails, when the story is good. Or stupid. Whatever.

I think we are looking for different things in a relationship. I am looking for a serious girlfriend, and saw a real possibility for that in you. I was ready to take the steps, the biggest one being meeting my son. I am not really sure why you didn't want to do that, but since I have my boy 60% of the time, and I am the custodial parent, it is important that I am with someone who accepts my son.

Good luck to you,

I simply replied:

Your son's interest was foremost in my thoughts. I didn't think it was fair to subject him to a woman you barely know. You are nice guy, but it was way too soon for me to say we have a relationship, although I was wanting to see where things went. It seems to me that you are looking for a mother-figure for your son, and while you and his mother ended things badly, he do, in fact, have a mother.

Good luck to you, as well

I am not sure why this bothers me, but it does. And I am not getting a lot of bites on my ads right now, on either site.
Feeling a little bummed...but my middle brother thinks I am beautiful.
Big whooptee-doo!

Because you requested it...

Well, I had one request, but I wanted to oblige...

Here is Saccharine/Sweetness...Who isn't particularly good looking but he was my size and he was so sweet and doting, I became very attracted to him.



And maybe it was because he also loves kids, and looks very comfortable taking care of his niece here. (He was good at changing diapers! BONUS!)


And here is the art teacher. I hate to say this, and some one should slap me, but I still think about him constantly and would love to hear from him. But he does have more issues than National Geographic, so it is probably best that I don't hear from him.



Again, not the best looking guy around, but good golly! We had some chemistry!


I have a story for later, but know I need to go and get ready to go out with mama for a very light lunch, and a huge dessert!

Taylors troubles

Two girls from our annual ski trip, both named Taylor, have relapsed. One is not doing well at all.

I would appreciate thoughts and prayers for them. I'm still in shock over Jessica passing away over the summer, and am hoping that it is the only too-young death to hear about for quite awhile.

Thanks, all!
Miss Bethie