I understand that when a relationship goes bad, there are two people involved, and both have some fault in it. One may have more than the other, but no one is totally innocent. I say that so that when I talk about LAL's ex, I do know that LAL was not perfect in the situation.
Let me set up their marriage. They dated off and on through his junior and senior year of high school. While in high school and then after, he worked at a grocery store on the overnight shift. He never had a chance to meet anyone new, and he felt like he had to settle. He admits to having no self-esteem at this point in his life.
Flash forward 5 years, and LAL and some friends are kicking around the idea of moving to Canada and finding work there. They camp there for a few weeks every year, and would like to get out of the grind here.
LAL's girlfriend, the high school "sweetheart" whom he has broken up with on no less than 5 occasions, but always finds himself back with, hears this and does not like it. Remarkably, she ends up pregnant shortly after hearing this news.
LAL's words--"I
thought I was being careful!"
LAL's sister suspects that the timing could indicate that someone in the relationship may have been trying to keep someone else from ever leaving The Lou.
LAL thinks he has to marry this girl now, and is thinking, as so many fools do, that the addition of the child might fix things. So, for the next 7 years, LAL is an excellent daddy, working the night shift as the Dairy manager at this grocery store that he continued to work at during college, (having dropped out before his degree was finished to get married and work full time) and his wife works days. Things seem fine UNTIL...
He and his wife work the same shifts...And he is forced to have a lot of time with her. Now he sees that he cannot live with her, and more importantly, as he tells it, he didn't want his little girl growing up thinking that married couples spend their time in different rooms, doing different things, and never talking. Other than their daughter, they have nothing in common. They never fight, but he is miserable and they never talk or do things together. So, after trying counseling and various things, they divorce. His ex was bitter, and wants LAL to die a lonely man who was never able to find love.
(Did I tell the story of her reaction when he brother was diagnosed with a brain tumor when they were still married? I will have to share it if I haven't already.)
LAL's biggest complaint about his ex is that she is very immature. As a result, whenever she sees me, she has to talk loudly about how much she loves her daughter, and how much her daughter looks like her, and that she is so proud to be the mother of her daughter.
Lady, I am NOT trying to take your place. I even talk very nicely about you to Bubbles. "Your mom really did a great job helping you with that project!" "I'm glad you inherited your mama's long legs!" and so on. I refuse to ever bad-mouth the woman. EVEN THOUGH she has said such things as, "She's really short," and "She's fatter than me."
Because I have better hair, better teeth, better skin, am more intelligent, have a sense of humor and am more giving, I can say to myself, "Bring it on, bitch!" I rank way above her.
It really galls her, I know, that her daughter adores me and wants my opinion on everything before she acts on anything, and yet, doesn't really care for her stepdad. She has managed to "misplace" a few little trinkets I have given her daughter. LAL had to tell Bubbles that anything from me stays at his place. But she is a kid and sometimes forgets. I just shrug and tell Bubbles not to worry. Accidents happen. So does silly jealousy. :)
The Ex pumps her daughter for info on LAL's and my relationship. When LAL would casually ask at gymnastics meets and when waiting at parent/teacher conferences if the Ex was dating anyone, she would snip it was not a topic she was comfortable discussing with him and to mind his own business. He was concerned because her sister is a motorcycle mama, and after the divorce the two hung out. He wanted to make sure his daughter wasn't being exposed to any low-lifes.
He didn't even know she was married until he gave her an alimony check and she said, "Oh, I got married last weekend, so you don't have to pay alimony anymore."
She's been concerned that LAL and I are getting serious. She wants information, but Bubbles never has any to give.
Two months ago Bubbles told us (and I swear we NEVER ask for info, she just puts it out there) that the Ex told her new husband that she refuses to have kids until he grows up. She was adamant.
Then Bubbles asked me if I wanted kids of my own and my answer was, "Someday I hope to have some."
Shortly after, The Ex was preggers.
Now, knowing she managed to get herself pregnant before when not really prepared, maybe both pregnancies were an accident.
Or maybe she just wants to make sure she hits that milestone before we do.
Three times now she has been with Bubbles, either dropping her off or watching her gymnastics, when I have been the adult with Bubbles. Three times she has avoided eye contact and not answered me when I said, "How are you doing?"
Of course, this just makes it more fun for me to talk to her.
I know when there are ex's involved, it can be rough. My friends who have significant other's who are divorced are able to talk to these people. They can call and say, "My dad's retirement party is next week. Can we keep the kid an extra day?" or, Can we switch weekends so we can go to the lake?"
I will never have that relationship with the Ex. And that is fine, because I know it is neither LAL's or my doings. And I know that at this point Bubbles is oblivious. Even when she finally sees it, she'll see that her daddy and I always took the high road.
And Bubbles is the first to say she gets her humor, intelligence, artistic ability and laid-back attitude from her dad. We all thank her mom for the gymnastics ability, though.
