Later that same day...

After my very classy, very adult response to an e-mail that was dumping me, I
get this from the Professor...

Thank you for understanding. It's not like I'm shutting the
door on us for good or anything (failed to mention that
before). Our timing just isn't good.

So yeah, let me know when I can give you the CD's back.

FAILED TO MENTION THAT???

I failed to mention that the worst part of this is that I am being dumped by a
total moron!!!

Stay tuned to see how the returning of the CDs goes. I am sure it will be
entertaining to those who aren't actually LIVING it.

Tonight's phone call...

Saccharine called. Some of my smarter friends have told me that Saccharine spent a year looking for something better, and has figured out there just isn't anything better and that I have "The One" potential.

One friend even said, "Be nice to him when he calls! I know how you can be!"

Okay, I can be bitchy when I feel I have been wronged.

But I just had such a crappy day, and my head is cloudy from crying (which I hate to admit), so that when he called, he did most of the talking.

He has a bad cold and had taken Nyquil, so I will cut him some slack. But all I could think was, "Was he this whinny and complainey when we dated?"

Still, he asked if he could call again and asked if maybe we could get together this weekend and grab some dinner. I'm cutting him some slack. And really trying not to compare him to the Professor.

This taint gonna be easy, though.

This can't be right...

My latest test results from OKCupid about if I am neurotic or psychotic.
Admittedly, I am totally neurotic!

Tight genes!
You scored 10 neuroses and 11 psychoses!
You are ideal for repopulating the species after everyone else has overdosed on prozac or blown up the public buildings. You are low on both scales and probably safe from an imminent mental illness. On the downside, your tax dollars and insurance premiums are supporting the rest of us. Cheers!

Don't trust this test. I do not recommend it!

Pontificating on the Professor

While I was expecting this relationship to end eventually, this still stings. I thought I was ready for this to happen, but I was just fooling myself.
And really, there were so many issues between us, it is truly better that it ended now rather than later. There was the kid issue, and the fact that he wouldn't be ready to be in a relationship for quite sometime. And that he was moody and I deserve better.

But I have to see him one more time because he has my CDs. And that song, "There's No Easy Way to Break Somebody's Heart" by James Ingram keeps resounding in my head. I want to be that woman who doesn't break down and has class while the relationship is ending.

Then there is the karma thing. Why do I keep getting shit on? Seriously. I am a nice person. I am well educated, funny and adventurous. How horrible was I in a past life? Why doesn't any decent guy find me attractive?

Anyone who truly knows me knows I am not overly religious, but I am spiritual, and I do believe things happen for a reason. Maybe this happened so when a guy who does meet my criteria, i.e. mentally and emotionally stable, available and wants to have kids, comes along, I will recognize it and appreciate it. Maybe the Professor was sent to me just to get me back to having sex so I don't have to rehash my rape with every guy who has the potential to be my lover. "Ummmm...okay, it is going to feel like I'm a virgin, and I may even bleed, ummmm...but seriously, I'm not..." It is embarrassing and brings up a topic I rather not bring up so much.

I am thankful for several things...each one fairly shallow...
I am thankful that I scored a full 10 points higher on my ACT scores than he did.
I am thankful for my red hair that he both loved and envied--he always tried to convince me he had red highlights, but I only notice gray creeping into his non-descript brown.
I have much better teeth than him, and while he had pretty blue eyes, I have "captivating" green eyes. His words, along with "bewitching", "beautiful" and "gorgeous." Using words like that, he won't be forgetting these green eyes any time too soon.
I am thankful that his bi-polar drama-queen daughter will not be a step-child of mine. Love kids, but she would have caused trouble, I can tell. I have dealt with that kind of child often.
I am thankful that I am high class and am giving him no reason to bad-mouth me. I am showing that not only am I ten point smarter, I am classier, too.

Its over...

I was waiting for the hammer to fall, and it did.
Professor send me a "Dear Miss Bethie" e-mail. Parts were sweet, parts were jerky, but basically, he isn't over his wife, and there was no spark for him. Which is weird, because before he was worried there was so much spark so soon. But he assured me it was no reflection on me.

I am bouncing back and forth between a lot of feeling right now.

And part me is mad at myself for having had sex with him.
Part of me is glad it happened.
But I can't help but wonder if that is what caused to say there was no spark.
And it hurts.

Call me crazy...

Or slutty, (see comment on post below and the comment on the "My accomplishment..." post if you don't know what I am talking about), but I am corresponding with Saccharine again.

I told him we are back on square one and that I have some major reservations, but I just had to see what this is about.

As a sidenote--didn't hear from Professor over the holiday weekend, and didn't really expect to.
I have given us a lot of thought over the weekend. I really, really like him. (Gee, Miss Bethie. You don't say!) But I just know he is going to break me. He isn't ready for a relationship. I reread our early emails. Things happened very quickly between us, and he was not, and still isn't, ready.
And yet my heart feels hollow waiting to hear from him this week. I am leaving it to him to call. Or email. Whatever.

Yeah, and the bitch who bad-mouthed me on my own blog...give it your best, lady. You obviously have more issues than I do! That is saying something!

THAT tired old line...

After Saccharine's e-mail, I simply sent a note saying that while I would love to settle down, I refuse to just settle.

He didn't respond, and really, there wasn't much to respond to.

So, after a couple of days, I sent another e-mail saying, "So, are you just going to e-mail me every six months or something? Or is there actually something you want to say?"

Then it was the line. You know the one. Every spineless guy has used it at some point in time...

"I didn't think that I was good enough for you. And while I'm still not entirely sure that I am at this point, I would like the opportunity to let you make that decision. I'm very sorry for the way I handled things, and would love another chance. If thats not possible, I completely understand."

Now, he has, according to his profile, finished his degree and moved to a better area, so some improvements in his life have been made.

So, now what do I do? Part of me wants to forget this guy ever existed. The other part of me remembers how sweet he was before he wigged. He really was. He was dorky, and nerdy and completely nervous around me, but it was oddly endearing.

And I miss the Professor. I know nothing long term will ever come of him, but I just am soooooo drawn to him.

Oh, and there was another great guy who e-mailed me, but he also doesn't want kids. And, unlike Professor, he is saying never. I gave him the thanks, but no thanks, and he sent another great e-mail to thank me for telling him and that I am a beautiful woman and he knows I will make some guy very happy someday.

I wish I was as sure of that as he is.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hey, all...
I've been a little melancholy lately. It seems like the children I work with for both charities are sick and dying.
Which makes my job woes seem like small potatoes (although my supervisor threatened to have me fired...long story. And a few kids are going through rough times there, too.)
But today is Thanksgiving. And there is a lot for me to be thankful for. I have a good family, good friends, a job I like (despite the supervisor sucking the wind from my sails), and my health.

I will continue to feel sorrow every time one of the kids I know from Circle of Friends or Equine Assisted Therapy becomes ill and passes away. (One of EAT boy's only has a few weeks left. He is having a wish granted before he dies, and he wished to ride his pony again. We are hoping to get him well enough to go outside. We are bringing the pony to his house for one last ride.)
It isn't fair that these kids will never have their first kiss, go to prom, get their driver's license, fall in love...
But I am blessed and honored to have known these children. I am glad that for a short moment, I have known their strength and their optimism, seen their beautiful smiles, heard their laughter, shared their fears, and spent time with them. The inspire me constantly.

Hug your kids, tell your family and friends how much you love them, and while some self-pity can be healthy, don't wallow in it. Smile at a stranger, laugh at a kid's lame joke, throw a ball for a dog, and remember how fortunate you are for all of your blessings.

Happy Thanksgiving, all.
I hope to be my normal goofy self again soon, and posting more musings and laughing at myself rather than the brooding I have been doing as of late.

He's baaaa-aaack!

After gawking at Professor's profile, I actually thought, "Oh! Maybe I should see if I have any mail!"

And I did.

From Sweetness/Saccharine.

Here is what he said:

I'm really surprised your still on here. I figured some lucky guy would have capitalized on my screw up by now.

NOW how do I respond?

The latest profile

Professor has been back on the dating site, which really is no surprise to me. It bothers me, yet it doesn't. I can't explain it.

BUT, I had to laugh because the picture he has up, looks nothing like him any longer. In fact, he has 3 pictures up, and none of them really look like him currently.

I have been the girl who meets the guy who doesn't look like his picture. He is not going to get too many second dates. he-he-he.

My accomplishment over the weekend.

Professor had a seminar this weekend.

I sent him an absolutely filthy test message that he read when he got off the plane.

He told me I owe him $13.50 + tax for the porn he had to rent since I wasn't there.

Did I mention that he teaches at a Jesuit university and it showed up on the bill?

I'm so proud that my powers of seduction have not completely left me.

I am not sure why...

My heart leaps a little when I go on the dating site and see that the Professor hasn't been on in 3 days.

And I am not sure why I get a little depressed when my friend who just moved here a year ago has met someone and they aren't exchanging Christmas presents this year because next year he is giving her a ring. They've been together maybe 2 months.

Professor and I will not be to that point in a year. Not even two or three, most likely.

But then, he is the one who makes me happy for now, and I can live with that.

Thursday night...

Didn't happen. I was extremely disappointed, but completely understanding.

His daughter, who is 12 and bi-polar, (medically, not in the sense that all 12 year old girls are bi-polar)had a freak-out and needed her daddy.

I was upset that he didn't call me later, like his voicemail said he would, although he called me from the airport before he boarded his plane and was apologetic.

I suspect he wasn't sure how I was going to take being canceled on at the very last minutes (I was actually taking a bubble bath and shaving when he called), and after feeling drained from dealing with his daughter just couldn't face the possibility of me being mad at him.

I sent him and e-mail saying I hope his daughter was doing better and to wish him a safe trip.

When he called from the airport, we talked about his daughter and her diagnosis and meds.

He asked if I was familiar with a certain medication. Of course I am, given that a large percentage of my students this year are on it. (In fact one of my girls was depressed Friday and stayed home.)
I gave him the teacher's perspective and when he told me the doctor diagnosed his daughter and put her on meds after one 45 minute session, I told him to go elsewhere. I also explained that 'Tween girls are over-diagnosed for bi-polar because they are so moody and hormonal, so to get a psychiatrist who deals mainly with that age group. Children and teens are a completely different beast than the 'Tweens.

Anyway, I think he was touched I was so concerned, and relieved I said what he had been thinking (it wasn't just daddy being over-protective.)

He apologized again and said that Daddy-duties are his priority.

I assured him that if they were not, I would not find him even remotely attractive.

He said a genuine "Thank you" to that.

Oh, but to make sure I am not just his personal psychiatrist, I sent an absolutely filthy test message to him for the moment he got off the plane and turned his phone back on. :)

What not letting him know I was wigging got me...

So, not sooner had I hit “Post to Blog” and Professor calls.
To apologize…I was sure he was canceling on me.
But instead he apologized about not calling me Saturday for the “Post-Coital Phone Call”.

(Post-coital is a standing joke between us since I used that term way before we ever had relations, to discuss the cuddling that would be necessary, particularly after our first time.)

He wanted to talk to me because we hadn’t talked in so long. He is looking forward to seeing me tomorrow.

I am feeling much more confident.

I might have to splurge on that set of sexy dice at Victoria's Secret to go with that tingling lube. ;)

Getting Wiggy with It...

So last week Friday, Professor and I, well...ummm...well, he got me back on the sex horse, so to speak, after a VERY loooooooong hiatus for me.

And it was nice and good. Not great, but still, we rode that horse three times. I think we were both nervous--because besides my being soooo long out of practice and the anxiety that accompanies that--but Professor has only been with one woman the last 20 years. And not too much the last year. And she wasn't too imaginative and was limited in what she was willing to do and endure. According to a man she is divorcing, and who is wanting to have sex with me, so who knows how much is actually true.

Anyway, all things considered, we did great.

Of course he then worried what having sex meant to our, well, for lack of a better word, "relationship." I said that I would like to think we are "dating," although not exclusively or seriously. (It is what he wanted, nay, needed to hear. I would love to date him exclusively, but know better than to say it at this point.)

I also tried to put his mind at ease by letting him know that in 35 years I have never had a relationship that was basically "casual sex", and maybe I was due and he was going to reap that benefit.

And he was sweet. He hugged me and thanked me for trusting him enough to have him as my first guy after my attack.

He had a date Saturday (I assume; he had "plans", anyway.) Sunday I figured I'd let him have some "Professor-time" because he requires quite a bit of it. And I had a date myself. (With Smiley-guy, if you were wondering).

Monday I get an e-mail mid-morning from Professor telling me he needs to give me my CD's back.

Needless to say, I freak, seeing this as a sign that he wants to get rid of me and needs to be rid of my CD's to do this.

I'm not totally convinced this isn't what is going on, but many of my friends who deal with my neurotic behavior on a regular basis have given me other possible interpretations.

* It was his way to contact me, without looking needy, to set up another get together. (He is out of town this weekend, Thanksgiving next weekend, has the kids the weekend after).

* He needed to see how I would respond to him, to see if I am interested or I was just using him for sex. (This interpretation humors me.)

*If he were ditching me, he wouldn't have me go to his place to do it.

*He wants more Miss Bethie action before he goes out of town.

*He wanted to stay in the front of my brain, so he had to set up a rendezvous, no matter how lame.

*He wanted to see if I would flip, or if I am more secure than that. Sucker! Of COURSE I freaked! But I am not about to let you know!

But I am still concerned.

I wasn't at my best--felt a little rusty.
I felt flabby.
I was worried about waking the neighbors.
I had some performance anxiety.
My mouth was really dry after our first time.

So, tomorrow night, around 9:00, after an evening with his kids, all of this will be dealt with. One way of another, I will know.

We talked Monday, twice, but not again since.

But I am always trying to be the eternal optimist, therefore when I was at Walgreen's this afternoon; I picked up some tingling lube. It should go well with the warming massage oil he already knows about.

For those who are wondering...

Friday night went well.
We rented The Anchorman, because we both have that sort of twisted sense of humor.
We then retreated to the boudoir and, well, Miss Bethie's 5 year drought is over.

But of course, now I am freaking out, because he sent me an e-mail today saying he needs to return my CD's to me.

Is that his way of getting rid of me and any connection so as to not have to have anymore contact?

Or is it his way to feel me out?

I will be devastated if after my first (well, first three) times back in the game I get ditched.

I can deal with him wanting to date other people, but I cannot deal with his wanting to dump me all together.

Maybe I should have gone to Boston to be with Darren.

Their priorities are all wrong!

I am a HUGE Rams fan. I love my team.
I often say, I like the Blues, I love the Cardinals, but I ADORE the Rams! (And if you knew how much I love my Cards, you'd see just what a huge statement this is!)

Even when they are losing, and breaking my heart again and again, they are my boys. (Not unlike the Professor, I suppose. Maybe that is my attraction to him.)

But this shocks me...
When the news blurb for what they will be covering at 10:00 came on, the newsperson said, in the chipper voice all local newspeople seem to have, that this was a very important game for the Rams, see what happened. Then, slipped in so casually, she added, "And a four-year-old boy and his cousin are still missing!"

This little boy, and his pregnant 19-year-old cousin who was babysitting have been missing for a week now.

I guess when children have been missing a week, and the Rams are coming off of a bye week, just have to be accepted as secondary.

Ridiculous.

Rams lost, by the way.

This one sort of stung...

So, Professor and I met at Blockbuster so that we could watch a movie together tonight after he gets back from a meeting he has tonight.

We were talking about movies, and he was wanting to see Inherit the Wind, since it is so timely right now. I was telling him that I love To Kill a Mockingbird. He then told me that is one of his favorite movies and books, and that he even read the book to his son when he was still in the womb.
That touched me to imagine that scene.
Then I realized that he would never be reading to our child in the womb.

We're putting the fun in dysfunctional

Professor called me last night. It was the second call he made to me in two days. We talked and things were fine. (Actually, me walking and talking and carrying all of my school books, my dinner, wearing my kicky new shoes with the leather soles, and stepping on a speed bump with the slick yellow paint, ended badly. Professor was a little worried about me. Especially when I let out a litany of curses and said I thought I had pulled my hammie.)

He told me he is only dating one other person--I think that was supposed to make me feel better, and it would have, had we had plans to see each other, since it had be well over a week.

So, he is getting ready to get off of the phone, and I was all, "Ummmmm...are we going to get together soon or anything?"

"Well, I tutor tomorrow. Friday I have my group meeting. Saturday I have plans (Gee, I wonder who that is with!)."

"Alright, then."

"I want to see you. I just haven't had time. I've been busy."

"I am also extremely busy, yet, I find time to do the things I really want to do."

"I want to see you. Really."

"Well, you have to see me at least one more time. You have my CD's."

In a smart-ass tone..."Well, I could always mail them."

I went silent. He knew about some of the stress I had been through as of late (such as the married man, my student attacking another kid with scissors [a post yet to come], my tumble in the parking lot, etc.

I then get the tired line of his having to slow things down with me because we got very intense very quickly. He needs to slow it down, but still likes me and wants to see me. I told him that may be, but it wasn't the vibe I was getting.

Things get weird, we get off the phone. By this time I was eating soup in my cubicle. I finish my soup, getting ready to start my calls, and my phone rings.

He asks if I am up for getting a late start Friday night. We can rent a movie, but nothing "too Chick-Flick" (I told him I was in the mood for Thelma and Louise).

He was also quick to point out it is not a school night--because I put off sex with him when it was a school night. I told him we can discuss that while we get the movie. (Because time is tight for both of us...we are meeting to pick a movie, then he goes to his meeting, then after that I am going to his place to watch the movie. I know. We make things waaaaaay too complicated. Hence the name of the post.)

Well see what happens. He just makes me tired after awhile.

Professor=Smart+Sexy

Smiley=Sweet+Nice

Professor+Smiley=Miss Bethie's Dream Date

Too bad such an animal is elusive to me.

UNbelievable!

I have been talking to a guy and we had plans to meet this weekend. I actually was starting to like him and was looking forward to this date.

Then his wife called.

She saw my name and number on his cell.

Turns out, he is NOT divorced, and that he DOES have kids.

I think the wifey-poo finally believed me that I had no idea.

Again, I HATE dating.

Just in case you didn't know...

I am "a bona fide hottie."

That comes from Darren.

Who should be considered for People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive.

He also offered stud services if I am just wanting to bang a professor.

He would even take me sailing and we could do it on his boat.

If I thought he were serious...

:)

They were handsome, they were smart. They were a walking work of art!

I just got back from our high school production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat.
It was FANTASTIC! I cannot believe that was a high school production! The costumes were amazing. The sets were right on, and the singing was pitch perfect. They added enough updates to keep the audience of 8th graders interested, yet kept the integrity of the play. Joseph did a great job, but the narrator, I think, was phenomenal!

I feel such pride for the former students who were up on stage. Many I expected to see in the high school productions once they were there, but many were surprises.

I just had to come here and brag a bit. And hell, it is my blog, so is what I will do when I feel the need! :)

The Sub Stud

Our science teacher is at a workshop today.
Her sub is this 20-something kid with great guns and abs that could stop a cannonball.
I think he flirted with me!
I (intentionally) over slept this morning, and my hair is wild and curly.
He told me I had "roll-in-the-hay" hair, and that is a sexy look.

Okay, maybe he wasn't flirting, but I am feeling much more confident about my bed head.

A Two Cosmo Night

It is like he has a Sixth Sense. Professor knew I had a date with a guy who wants a relationship and wants more kids. He KNEW, I say!

I was brushing my teeth, getting ready for a date I was lukewarm on, and The Professor calls me. I missed the call, but when leaving for my date I wanted to call a friend on the drive, and there it was--One missed call--The Professor.

Basically he wanted me to know he is still around, that he thinks of me and hopes I remember him, but after his weekend with the kids and all, he needed some "Professor" time. He sounded sweet, and maybe even a little wounded that we haven't talked--which is on him, not me!

So, there I was, on my way to meet Me. Mediocre and knowing that the man I lust after called. Mr. Mediocre, whom we shall call Guy Smiley, or Smiley for short, was at the bar and eagerly waiting for me when I arrived. He was nice and better looking in person, although not a hottie--which if you know me, you know that is fine by me.

He is a very nice person, and an easy-going optimist. It is a nice change of pace for me. We talked easily, although, to be honest, I prefer a little bit more intellectual type.

He joined the personals where we met because of my profile. He said he was lukewarm on them all, saw me, sent and e-mail and got the "not available" generic message that I had programmed to pop up for a long time. He was disheartened that he spent the $20 and got that response. But I really was available and did respond within a couple of days. Then I met The Professor and was talking to so many people I took the profile down again for a spell.

While sitting out on the patio, 80's music was being piped in. My fav! Things were going well, when all of a sudden, the song "Cruel to Be Kind" started playing. Some of you may or may not remember Professor and I singing that to each other one glorious evening after a night of bonding on several different levels. (It is by Nick Lowe, by the way, and not Nik Kershaw, who, I believe sang another great 80's anthem, "Wouldn't It Be Good".)

Anyway, he told a ton of people at work that he had a date and showed them all my profile (oh joy, oh rapture). He was excited to meet me and asked a few times if we could see each other again. He said he would call me tonight when I got off of work.

But then, Shark Skin Hands said the same sort of stuff.

But this guy could be sincere.

As tempted as I was, I didn't call Professor back last night. I am waiting to call him tonight. I may call on my way to the second job, or I might wait until I am leaving the second job, although that is when Smiley is supposed to call me.

Decisions, decisions!

Oh, and while Professor was online Sunday on the personals page, and posted one of the cheesiest pics online, he hasn't been online since then. Hmmmmm...

Making it easier on me...

So, Professor, evidently, had a professional picture taken and put it up on his personals profile.
CHEESY!
I should thank him, because every time I see that picture, it makes it that much easier to not see him anymore.
Not that we are officially not dating, but I haven't heard from him in days--when I last called him.
I do have to see him one more time, because he has 2 CD's that I can't replace.
I am giving him until Wednesday to call, then I am going to have to tell him I want those CD's back.

I have a date tonight with Mr. Mediocre; a guy who sounds like a less feminine Liberace.
Charming.

I am getting very few hits on one site, so I put the old profile back up on another site.

Have I mentioned how much I HATE THIS?!?!?!
Just checkin'.

Feeling a little down, and needing to vent...

I put my profile back up on one of the dating sites; the one I met Professor on.
First off--I am not getting too many responses yet, but that is fine.
But I was on there replying to one mediocre guy, and saw that the professor was currently on the dating site.

He had his kids over the weekend, so I knew I wasn't going to see him, but damn. I wish he would have called or sent me an e-mail, or something. I guess after all of these sweet, passionate, wonderful e-mails and conversations, he has lost interest.
I feel like I will never be sexual again. I was burned yet again, and just am not sure I have the energy to do anything more about it at this point.

The infamous costume...

Okay, maybe Professor wasn't interested because I look so FAT in it! YIKES!
Anyway...the school version and the sexed-up version.





But ya gotta admit...that is a great witch hat and the wig, while looking a little crooked in the pics, the wig is crazy-cool.

My spidey-senses must be failing!

I have always been a fairly intuitive person. My friends comment on it all the time, as have various men I have dated.

But as of late, I think they are down!

Pool-Boy seemed so interested in me Tuesday, and even asked if he could call me Wednesday.
Why, sure!
Here it is Thursday--no word.
I called him.
No answer.
What is the deal with all of these boys as of late?

Oh, and I called Professor. Not exactly sure how to read him, either.

I May Have Forgotten to Mention...

Remember when I went to the play with my "friend" who was a pompous ass and made me walk to my car alone in a bad neighborhood late at night?

He e-mailed me last week to see if I wanted to go to the new play at the theater. I almost fell out of my chair.

And he had the nerve to make it sound like I was out of line last time.

OY, my nerves!

Murphy's Law...

I have recently gone out with 3 different boys. I like two, the third I am indifferent towards.

Guess which one called last night.

Coincidence?...I HOPE SO!!!

I just found out that Pool-Boy (aka Shark Skin Hands) and IM Guy have the same last name!!!

PLEASE tell me that they are not related!!!

OY! My nerves!

More Details

Pool-Boy was funny, nice, quirky and seems to like me. He asked if he could call me tonight. He was worried about the impression he made on me (opinionated, but not in a too obnoxious way.) When he walked me to my car, we talked another 15 minutes or so. We laughed so hard at times, my throat hurt.

He isn't a bad looking guy, and is pretty well built, actually, but I am not drawn to him the way I am the professor.

And, this is soooooo shallow, BUT...
His hands...
I have never felt such rough hands in my life. Seriously. He had gotten a manicure earlier in the day (yet he denies being metrosexual!) and they were horribly rough. The manicurists always asks him about it. He said it is something genetic because his mom and his grandpa both have it.

So, my lusty mind starts worrying, I am not sure I would want these hands to touch me in certain places. Seriously. Never before have I felt hands that rough--not even on a carpenter or mechanic.

When he walked me to my car, I thought it was sort of sweet because he offered me his arm. After we said our good-byes, I realized that was his way of holding my hand without holding my hand.

Professor obviously chews his nails, and while I thought it looked bad, it didn't really bother me. This might bother me.

What was funny was that I was all, "awwwww..." when I noticed Pool Boy hadn't been active on the website where we me since we started talking. Then I got my newest matches from the other site I am a member of, and there he was, smiling at me, having been active in the last 24 hours. Totally different pictures, same text.

Oh, and he likes to dance and has taken swing dance lessons, which is something I have always wanted to do. He wants to take me to some trendy dance club. Sooooo not my style since I hit my 30s, but I'm game.

This guys seems genuine and interested, but then again, so did Professor the first few weeks. I am trying to be cautious! I'm not always very good at that...in case you hadn't noticed.

Check-in

Just wanted to let any inquiring minds know...

Pool-Boy digs me. He is going to KC this weekend--which SUCKS because it is the professor's weekend with his kids, so I am on my own.

But we talked non-stop. I am easy to talk to, so he tells me. He hides nothing and tells it like it is. Same politics, too. He is a big fan of The Daily Show (which I missed tonight because I was out with him.)

BUT...I don't have that primal, sexual draw to him the way I do the Professor. I was so in hopes that the Professor would call while I was on my date tonight, but he didn't. He was probably on the phone with the other girl. (He has his kids Tuesday, so there is some solace in that he wasn't actually OUT with her.)

I have problems--all psychological!

Idiot...

That is what I am. Seriously.

I have a date tonight with a guy I click with via phone.

But I am teary-eyed over the Professor. I was soooooo looking forward to seeing him yesterday, and it was such a let down! Hot--cold. I never know what I am going to get. And I never know when I will see him next or talk to him again. He has the kids this weekend, next weekend he has a seminar in Florida. And I am sure he also needs to schedule some time with the other woman.

This new horse in the running wants a relationship and kids. But there seems to be something missing. He is nice and sweet. I guess I need to wait until I meet him to decide anything.

Why the hell do I do this to myself?