Getting Wiggy with It...
So last week Friday, Professor and I, well...ummm...well, he got me back on the sex horse, so to speak, after a VERY loooooooong hiatus for me.
And it was nice and good. Not great, but still, we rode that horse three times. I think we were both nervous--because besides my being soooo long out of practice and the anxiety that accompanies that--but Professor has only been with one woman the last 20 years. And not too much the last year. And she wasn't too imaginative and was limited in what she was willing to do and endure. According to a man she is divorcing, and who is wanting to have sex with me, so who knows how much is actually true.
Anyway, all things considered, we did great.
Of course he then worried what having sex meant to our, well, for lack of a better word, "relationship." I said that I would like to think we are "dating," although not exclusively or seriously. (It is what he wanted, nay, needed to hear. I would love to date him exclusively, but know better than to say it at this point.)
I also tried to put his mind at ease by letting him know that in 35 years I have never had a relationship that was basically "casual sex", and maybe I was due and he was going to reap that benefit.
And he was sweet. He hugged me and thanked me for trusting him enough to have him as my first guy after my attack.
He had a date Saturday (I assume; he had "plans", anyway.) Sunday I figured I'd let him have some "Professor-time" because he requires quite a bit of it. And I had a date myself. (With Smiley-guy, if you were wondering).
Monday I get an e-mail mid-morning from Professor telling me he needs to give me my CD's back.
Needless to say, I freak, seeing this as a sign that he wants to get rid of me and needs to be rid of my CD's to do this.
I'm not totally convinced this isn't what is going on, but many of my friends who deal with my neurotic behavior on a regular basis have given me other possible interpretations.
* It was his way to contact me, without looking needy, to set up another get together. (He is out of town this weekend, Thanksgiving next weekend, has the kids the weekend after).
* He needed to see how I would respond to him, to see if I am interested or I was just using him for sex. (This interpretation humors me.)
*If he were ditching me, he wouldn't have me go to his place to do it.
*He wants more Miss Bethie action before he goes out of town.
*He wanted to stay in the front of my brain, so he had to set up a rendezvous, no matter how lame.
*He wanted to see if I would flip, or if I am more secure than that. Sucker! Of COURSE I freaked! But I am not about to let you know!
But I am still concerned.
I wasn't at my best--felt a little rusty.
I felt flabby.
I was worried about waking the neighbors.
I had some performance anxiety.
My mouth was really dry after our first time.
So, tomorrow night, around 9:00, after an evening with his kids, all of this will be dealt with. One way of another, I will know.
We talked Monday, twice, but not again since.
But I am always trying to be the eternal optimist, therefore when I was at Walgreen's this afternoon; I picked up some tingling lube. It should go well with the warming massage oil he already knows about.
And it was nice and good. Not great, but still, we rode that horse three times. I think we were both nervous--because besides my being soooo long out of practice and the anxiety that accompanies that--but Professor has only been with one woman the last 20 years. And not too much the last year. And she wasn't too imaginative and was limited in what she was willing to do and endure. According to a man she is divorcing, and who is wanting to have sex with me, so who knows how much is actually true.
Anyway, all things considered, we did great.
Of course he then worried what having sex meant to our, well, for lack of a better word, "relationship." I said that I would like to think we are "dating," although not exclusively or seriously. (It is what he wanted, nay, needed to hear. I would love to date him exclusively, but know better than to say it at this point.)
I also tried to put his mind at ease by letting him know that in 35 years I have never had a relationship that was basically "casual sex", and maybe I was due and he was going to reap that benefit.
And he was sweet. He hugged me and thanked me for trusting him enough to have him as my first guy after my attack.
He had a date Saturday (I assume; he had "plans", anyway.) Sunday I figured I'd let him have some "Professor-time" because he requires quite a bit of it. And I had a date myself. (With Smiley-guy, if you were wondering).
Monday I get an e-mail mid-morning from Professor telling me he needs to give me my CD's back.
Needless to say, I freak, seeing this as a sign that he wants to get rid of me and needs to be rid of my CD's to do this.
I'm not totally convinced this isn't what is going on, but many of my friends who deal with my neurotic behavior on a regular basis have given me other possible interpretations.
* It was his way to contact me, without looking needy, to set up another get together. (He is out of town this weekend, Thanksgiving next weekend, has the kids the weekend after).
* He needed to see how I would respond to him, to see if I am interested or I was just using him for sex. (This interpretation humors me.)
*If he were ditching me, he wouldn't have me go to his place to do it.
*He wants more Miss Bethie action before he goes out of town.
*He wanted to stay in the front of my brain, so he had to set up a rendezvous, no matter how lame.
*He wanted to see if I would flip, or if I am more secure than that. Sucker! Of COURSE I freaked! But I am not about to let you know!
But I am still concerned.
I wasn't at my best--felt a little rusty.
I felt flabby.
I was worried about waking the neighbors.
I had some performance anxiety.
My mouth was really dry after our first time.
So, tomorrow night, around 9:00, after an evening with his kids, all of this will be dealt with. One way of another, I will know.
We talked Monday, twice, but not again since.
But I am always trying to be the eternal optimist, therefore when I was at Walgreen's this afternoon; I picked up some tingling lube. It should go well with the warming massage oil he already knows about.
posted by Beth at
8:31 PM
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