I hope no one here thinks poorly of me because of this...

But I need sex.
Okay, what I mean is, well, I need sex, is what I mean!
I have not been in a sexual relationship since before my attack, a bit more than 5 years ago.
I need it on many different levels.

For one thing, five years is a VERY long time for anyone to go. I joke about being a sex camel, but really, obviously, it is true for me.

Secondly, I need to do it so that I can not have this anxiety and stress about becoming intimate with a man. I know once I am with a guy, from there on out, it will be easier and my issues fewer. I won't worry about having to tell him I was raped, and that I have been celibate, sometimes by choice, sometimes not, for five years since.

My problem is, I have never been in a relationship that revolved around casual sex. That has never been my style, and I am not sure this leopard can change her spots.

I know the Professor is more than willing and able to accommodate me. But I also know he is dating other women. I don't know how I would handle him being intimate with more than just me. I have a sneaking suspicion there is another woman he is seeing as regularly as he sees me. I could be off, though.

But, for as neurotic as I am now, it will be ten-fold if we become lovers and he is with other women, or forgets to call one day, or whatever.

I know I would be monogamous, but I also know I can't expect the same of him. Especially given his circumstances.

I dunno. I have lots to ponder!

But I think I should send him a picture of the corset I bought from Frederick's to wear for Halloween. Just to make sure I stay in his mind. :)





P.S. Here is my horoscope for today...

Mercury, planet of the five senses, is in Scorpio, the zodiac sign of intensity. Today's tension with Neptune, planet of illusions, makes your love life uncertain. Stick to concrete arrangements and dates. Do you want clarity amidst the passion?