He passed an important test!
Thursday night the Professor invited me over to his apartment. The idea was to watch an MST3K episode and then The Daily Show. But, the gods of lust were working against us, or for us as the case maybe. The VCR wouldn't play the tape! Well, it would play the tape, but the audio was messed up, and the radio, sounding very static-y, would play over the audio!
So, we talked, we sort of watched the Cardinals, but he is a Cubs fan, originally from Chicago, and felt the need to show me his coffee table book on Wrigley Field. And we made out. A lot.
Things were getting pretty steamy, and he told me he couldn't wait until the day comes when we finally make love. I asked him if he was ready for my baggage (as I have been told a lot of his). He was ready, and listened intently.
I told him about my attack. I explained that I have not been intimate with a man since then. I told him at first I couldn't physically, because I had a lot of healing to do. Then I couldn't emotionally, because I hadn't dealt with it. Then I put on weight and was neither attractive to the opposite sex, not willing to show my body to anyone. The few men I have confided in have freaked and left shortly after this bomb was dropped on them. I light-heartedly added, "You'd think these men would jump at the chance to be with me! I mean, I am tight like a virgin, but have fewer inhibitions and know what to do!" He smirked at that.
He couldn't understand why a guy would freak out about it. He held me, and asked me how I dealt with it, told me he was so sorry I had been through this. He was also concerned that I might blame myself for it. I assured him that even when it happened I never thought it was my own fault.
He is worried that I'm putting my heart on the line with him, and that he will be the jerk if we have sex and he decides we aren't right, or he isn't ready for us to be so serious.
I am a big girl, I let him know. I know he is a risk, because all relationships are about risk. Anytime you open yourself up to someone, physically, emotionally, whatever, you are vulnerable. And yet, humans go through it over and over again. He may have a few more factors to consider, but the fact he is so honest about them makes me think he would not be a jerk, even if he decided not to see me anymore. I believe all relationships make you grow, and through them we learn what we can accept, what we can't live with. Any growth is good, even when it comes with some growing pains. Even if things don't work out, and honestly, I have my doubts, I will be able to walk away having learned something new. Besides, I may be the one to ditch him!
While at his place, he had to call his kids. It was endearing. He was so good with them, but I couldn't help but think, there is a really good chance we would never have kids of our own, should we actually work out.
At one point, well several, actually, things got pretty steamy, and I put on the brakes. Later, as I was getting ready to go home and he was putting on his shoes to walk me to my car, he told me, "You know, I really wanted to keep going, and had a tough time halting."
"Yeah. I'm really sorry..."
"DON'T!" he said firmly, looking me deeply in the eyes. "Do NOT apologize for that! If you aren't ready, that's fine. Besides, when we finally are intimate, it is going to be both sweeter and more intense because we waited until we couldn't take it anymore. And the time was right for both of us."
Then he squeezed my hand and pulled me closer to an embrace, and quietly said in my ear, with a sexy smirk on his face, "of course, anytime is right for me."
On the way home, about 3 minutes after I had left, I remembered that my cellphone was still at his place and charging. So, I turned around and went back. I knocked on the door and opened the mail slot and called his name.
He answered the door with a very happy look on his face, and said, "You came back?" He obviously thought I had decided to do the deed with him. He looked totally crestfallen when I said I just needed my cellphone. I threw him a bone and we made out a little bit longer.
Those are the main details of our Thursday night. Friday was fine. He was running a little behind, and when I found out it was because he bought a new CD/DVD player, I said, "That is why you are late?"
He got a new DVD player just in case he has anymore company come over to watch a movie. I assume he meant me, but part of me was praying that his later date wasn't going to be at his place. Or that he would go to hers.
I have a date Sunday. So, what can I really say?
But, he sent me an e-mail, an article he wrote about a Rams player he did a case study on. He said in his e-mail that I should feel free to read it whenever I wanted, or if I had trouble sleeping, or, most of all, if I wanted to snub any dates I have on Sunday.
His parents and grandmother are in town now, but I hope to talk to him soon.
So, we talked, we sort of watched the Cardinals, but he is a Cubs fan, originally from Chicago, and felt the need to show me his coffee table book on Wrigley Field. And we made out. A lot.
Things were getting pretty steamy, and he told me he couldn't wait until the day comes when we finally make love. I asked him if he was ready for my baggage (as I have been told a lot of his). He was ready, and listened intently.
I told him about my attack. I explained that I have not been intimate with a man since then. I told him at first I couldn't physically, because I had a lot of healing to do. Then I couldn't emotionally, because I hadn't dealt with it. Then I put on weight and was neither attractive to the opposite sex, not willing to show my body to anyone. The few men I have confided in have freaked and left shortly after this bomb was dropped on them. I light-heartedly added, "You'd think these men would jump at the chance to be with me! I mean, I am tight like a virgin, but have fewer inhibitions and know what to do!" He smirked at that.
He couldn't understand why a guy would freak out about it. He held me, and asked me how I dealt with it, told me he was so sorry I had been through this. He was also concerned that I might blame myself for it. I assured him that even when it happened I never thought it was my own fault.
He is worried that I'm putting my heart on the line with him, and that he will be the jerk if we have sex and he decides we aren't right, or he isn't ready for us to be so serious.
I am a big girl, I let him know. I know he is a risk, because all relationships are about risk. Anytime you open yourself up to someone, physically, emotionally, whatever, you are vulnerable. And yet, humans go through it over and over again. He may have a few more factors to consider, but the fact he is so honest about them makes me think he would not be a jerk, even if he decided not to see me anymore. I believe all relationships make you grow, and through them we learn what we can accept, what we can't live with. Any growth is good, even when it comes with some growing pains. Even if things don't work out, and honestly, I have my doubts, I will be able to walk away having learned something new. Besides, I may be the one to ditch him!
While at his place, he had to call his kids. It was endearing. He was so good with them, but I couldn't help but think, there is a really good chance we would never have kids of our own, should we actually work out.
At one point, well several, actually, things got pretty steamy, and I put on the brakes. Later, as I was getting ready to go home and he was putting on his shoes to walk me to my car, he told me, "You know, I really wanted to keep going, and had a tough time halting."
"Yeah. I'm really sorry..."
"DON'T!" he said firmly, looking me deeply in the eyes. "Do NOT apologize for that! If you aren't ready, that's fine. Besides, when we finally are intimate, it is going to be both sweeter and more intense because we waited until we couldn't take it anymore. And the time was right for both of us."
Then he squeezed my hand and pulled me closer to an embrace, and quietly said in my ear, with a sexy smirk on his face, "of course, anytime is right for me."
On the way home, about 3 minutes after I had left, I remembered that my cellphone was still at his place and charging. So, I turned around and went back. I knocked on the door and opened the mail slot and called his name.
He answered the door with a very happy look on his face, and said, "You came back?" He obviously thought I had decided to do the deed with him. He looked totally crestfallen when I said I just needed my cellphone. I threw him a bone and we made out a little bit longer.
Those are the main details of our Thursday night. Friday was fine. He was running a little behind, and when I found out it was because he bought a new CD/DVD player, I said, "That is why you are late?"
He got a new DVD player just in case he has anymore company come over to watch a movie. I assume he meant me, but part of me was praying that his later date wasn't going to be at his place. Or that he would go to hers.
I have a date Sunday. So, what can I really say?
But, he sent me an e-mail, an article he wrote about a Rams player he did a case study on. He said in his e-mail that I should feel free to read it whenever I wanted, or if I had trouble sleeping, or, most of all, if I wanted to snub any dates I have on Sunday.
His parents and grandmother are in town now, but I hope to talk to him soon.
posted by Beth at
9:08 PM
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