Pearls from Miss Bethie's Mama
My brothers and myself were all slackers back in school. (I know...and here I am, a teacher. Isn't ironic, dontcha think?)
While trying to inspire us, we constantly hear Mom say, "And I was in National Honor Society!" Really, as teenagers, it probably made us even lazier. I mean, don't most teens try to be the antithesis of their parents?
Anyway, for someone who is always proclaiming her intelligence by showing us her NHS pin and certificate and whatever else she has a memento, (and yet, she threw away her wedding dress after a year of marriage), she has said and done some real boneheaded things.
I bring this up, because yesterday, while we were watching my niece, mom broke out this new teething ring for Laurel. It is in the shape of a star, and when she bites down on it, it vibrates. She has one at her house and really likes it, so my mom went out at got one to keep at "grandma's house". So imagine the look on my face when Mom proudly proclaims, "Look! I got Laurel a vibrator for over here, and she really enjoys it!" I think I was even more mortified when she realized what she said and laughed. I know deep down that my mother knows what a vibrator is, but to admit aloud that she know...{shiver}. (By the way, I refer to my folks as Ward and June Cleaver. Really, they are that goody-goody, which is nice, but still...)
That brought to mind the time I had returned from my trip to England and Scotland. I was showing the family my pictures, and had a photo of the art school where Sean Connery got his start as a nude model.
Here is Mom's gem from that one...
"Sean Connery. Now there is a man who's well endowed [pause] the arts of Scotland."
Right on the heels of me saying he was a nude model. I am surprised that the dining table where my dad, brothers and myself didn't crack from our collective jaws falling onto it.
She naively said, "What did you think I was going to say???"
When my brothers and I were teens, we were sitting around with the news on, Mom contently staying abreast of current events. The story was about the rampant drug use in professional sports. As the reporters says, "Statistics show that 50% of athletes..."
At this point, my brothers and I start arguing about something. (Probably something earth shattering, like who had more talent...A-HA or Corey Hart, or which car was cooler, KIT from Night Rider, or the General Lee from Dukes of Hazzard.)
Anyway, Mom blows up--
"OH! Great! Now I don't know if 50% take drugs or don't take drugs!"
My oldest, and ballsiest brother said, "Ummmm, Mom. Think about it...you know what percent takes drugs, and what percent doesn't."
My other brother and I broke up laughing.
Mom walked out of the room.
Ah, yes. While Mom has a couple of gorgeous pieces of jewelry that will someday be mine, these are the jewels that the family treasures most!
While trying to inspire us, we constantly hear Mom say, "And I was in National Honor Society!" Really, as teenagers, it probably made us even lazier. I mean, don't most teens try to be the antithesis of their parents?
Anyway, for someone who is always proclaiming her intelligence by showing us her NHS pin and certificate and whatever else she has a memento, (and yet, she threw away her wedding dress after a year of marriage), she has said and done some real boneheaded things.
I bring this up, because yesterday, while we were watching my niece, mom broke out this new teething ring for Laurel. It is in the shape of a star, and when she bites down on it, it vibrates. She has one at her house and really likes it, so my mom went out at got one to keep at "grandma's house". So imagine the look on my face when Mom proudly proclaims, "Look! I got Laurel a vibrator for over here, and she really enjoys it!" I think I was even more mortified when she realized what she said and laughed. I know deep down that my mother knows what a vibrator is, but to admit aloud that she know...{shiver}. (By the way, I refer to my folks as Ward and June Cleaver. Really, they are that goody-goody, which is nice, but still...)
That brought to mind the time I had returned from my trip to England and Scotland. I was showing the family my pictures, and had a photo of the art school where Sean Connery got his start as a nude model.
Here is Mom's gem from that one...
"Sean Connery. Now there is a man who's well endowed [pause] the arts of Scotland."
Right on the heels of me saying he was a nude model. I am surprised that the dining table where my dad, brothers and myself didn't crack from our collective jaws falling onto it.
She naively said, "What did you think I was going to say???"
When my brothers and I were teens, we were sitting around with the news on, Mom contently staying abreast of current events. The story was about the rampant drug use in professional sports. As the reporters says, "Statistics show that 50% of athletes..."
At this point, my brothers and I start arguing about something. (Probably something earth shattering, like who had more talent...A-HA or Corey Hart, or which car was cooler, KIT from Night Rider, or the General Lee from Dukes of Hazzard.)
Anyway, Mom blows up--
"OH! Great! Now I don't know if 50% take drugs or don't take drugs!"
My oldest, and ballsiest brother said, "Ummmm, Mom. Think about it...you know what percent takes drugs, and what percent doesn't."
My other brother and I broke up laughing.
Mom walked out of the room.
Ah, yes. While Mom has a couple of gorgeous pieces of jewelry that will someday be mine, these are the jewels that the family treasures most!
posted by Beth at
4:51 AM
4 Comments:
ha! The 50% thing reminds me of myself last Friday. I took the kids to a carnival in town. It was opening day and the rides were reduced price. There was a sign that said "All rides 1 ticket - tickets $1.50 each". Stuck under this sign on the window, but still read-able, was a sign that said "Special - $20 tickets $20". I was trying to calc in my head how many tickets to buy at $1.50 each and said to the woman - "all rides are $1.50?" and she said, "Yes, or 20 tickets for $20". My response? "Oh - is that a better deal?" Oy. Somesdays I'm grateful for my -somehwat- blonde hair. At least if gives me an excuse!
By
Anonymous, at 5:31 AM
Too funny!
Patty, we all have those moments.
Beth, I was 'intived' into the NHS but refused. I was given a scholarship to a Business school but refused. I wanted to be the rebel and it only hurt me in the end. I know pay on my own for schooling.
I think I push education on my kids too much at times. But without education, these days, what do they have?
One day I will have to tell you some of my horror stories of growing up.
By
Anonymous, at 6:46 AM
I agree education is so important these days.
On the brightside, Marie (the lady wo runs the equine therapy teases me about always saying there is a brightside), you know from experience. I think your girls are more likely to listen to that as sage advice rather than obnoxious bragging. :)
By
Beth, at 8:46 AM
Oh, and Patty, I think that is a totally easy thing to do.
I get a kick because at all of the various parades downtown, there are vendors who sell those little pop things you throw and they exploded. They always have a sign:
25c each or 4 for $1.00
You know some poor schmuck (or kid) is buying 4 thinking they go a bargain!
I, of course, stand next to them and start yelling crap like,
"Get a dozen for only $3.00! 100 for $25.00! You can get a gross, that is 144, or a dozen dozen, for only $36.00!!!"
By
Beth, at 8:50 AM
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