The End of Phil the Gorilla

Phildo was growing more peevish with me, and since I turned down having sex with him, there was little going on physically. I would try to initiate, but it was like he was doing a chore. My self-esteem was sinking lower every day, and yet, I was always trying to find what I needed to do to hang on to him.

And Christmas was around the corner. Nothing makes me happier than when I find a special gift for someone I care about, and unfortunately, I did care about Phildo. I was constantly thinking about what would make him happy.

Also at this time, I had bought the special boxed set of The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. I also had the Harry Potter movie. Phildo was a HUGE LOTR fan, and he also wanted to watch Harry Potter. I brought them both over to his place, but we didn't get around to watching them.

My company party for my evening job was around the corner, and Phildo told me he would go with me. My planning had begun! THIS was to be our night to have sex! After the holiday cheer, open bar and dance music and made us all aglow, he wouldn't be able to turn me down!

I had a killer dress. Brown wrap dress, VERY low cut and looked HOT on me. I had tall brown boots (stretchers, because my calves are too damn thick to fit into normal boots...but that is a carry over from show shopping this weekend, and isn't important for this story.) And a sexy, sassy, saucy bra and panty set from Victoria's Secret. I was ready.

And in the midst of shopping for all of this, I had decided the perfect gift for Phildo--the woodworker who liked antiques. I got on eBay and found an antique tool set. I was psyched! He would love it and know that I put a lot of thought and heart into this!

Oh, I shouldn't say love. Do you want to know why? If not, skip this paragraph--it may have TMI for some of you...
One time he was performing some oral stimulation on me, and nearing the climax I said, in a sultry purr, "I love the way that feels!"
He stopped, looked at me, and told me not to use that word.

Yeah, can't you totally understand why I was so smitten? Sheesh.

Anyway, I was looking forward to the Christmas party, and to giving him such a thoughtful gift.

The weekend before the party, hanging out at his house, AGAIN, I suggested that we watch Harry Potter. He watched it without me, even though the plan was to watch it together.

We started watching LOTR, and I think I fell asleep on the couch before it was over. He wanted to keep it a little longer to watch all the special features.

And then, the weekend of the party came. I was PUMPED!

I exfoliated, polished, whitened, shaved, powdered, primped, perfumed and broke out my expensive special-occasion make-up that I bought when I had my make up professionally done. I was looking hot, feeling sexy, and anxious to get the evening started!

I showed up at his place, and he was wearing a suit I had helped him pick out a couple of month prior (you should have seen how he freaked when the sales girl referred to me as his wife! To be fair, we had only been dating a couple of weeks at that point, but still...) I told him he looked handsome, and he told me he knew that. I got nothing...as usual.

The whole night he was edgy and obviously uncomfortable. Thank God for the open bar. Just because he would get me drinks without asking, my co-workers thought he was great.

Finally, he actually commented on wanting to leave. I was naively thinking he couldn't wait to get me home, but on the car ride home, I finally caught the true vibe.

He was very quiet, and when I asked him if he had an okay time, he snapped at me that he is agoraphobic and hates to go out (I think he meant if his friends weren't involved, but maybe not.) Considering his profile had said how much he likes to go out and do new things, I thought, huh...another fib in the profile. I knew he was a homebody, but he made this sound as though he had a diagnosis.

I pull into the driveway, and he almost runs out of there, and I told him he was being a jerk.
He asked what I meant, and I spelled it out for him. I was all dolled up, and he didn't so much as try to give me a good night kiss. He sighed and leaned over and I pulled away. "If it is a chore to you, just forget it."

He then sat his ample ass back down in the car, and proceeded to tell me he wasn't attracted to me on many levels. He hated my politics, he thinks I don't know a woman's place, and I was heavier than what he finds attractive, which, by the way, may be true, but I guarantee on a height/weight proportionate scale, I was closer to my healthy weight than he was.

Still, he didn't want to call it totally off. I had some good qualities.

I told him I wanted my movies back. He went to get them, but then gave me his puppy dog look and asked me if he could keep LOTR a little bit longer because he still hadn't made it through the special features.

The scary part, I said okay.

A day or 2 later I went to his place to pick up my DVD. He had said we could talk then. But, basically, it was just the rehash of not being interested in me. I told him he was sure the hell interested when we went camping and at the Halloween party.
"Well, that is another problem. I've been hitting the sauce too hard."

Great, so a guy has to be drunk in order to be attracted to me.

I told him he has been leading me on over the last few months, and I basically got a one shoulder shrug. I didn't even get the effort of two shoulders.

But STILL he is telling me he doesn't want to completely end things. I had a feeling, though, that he wanted to, but wasn't man enough to admit it to my face.
I told him that I had a Christmas present that I couldn't return, so when could I bring it by?
We'll get together over the weekend, or something.
My brother was getting married that week, and I was going to have my niece and nephew for the weekend so that brother and sister-in-law could have a honeymoon (and conceive my beautiful niece, as things would turn out).

One day after school I decided to just drop off his gift by the door. But knowing what an idiot he was, I wanted to make sure he saw it. Before taking my niece and nephew out to see Christmas lights, I called Phildo to make sure he saw the gift.

Sure enough, he has seen it, but thought it was trash. The shocker, though, was that he thought he was talking to his sister! Just kill me now!

He opened the gift and asked when he could see me to give me mine. Huh???

I explained that I had the kids for the weekend, and I was on my out for pizza and Christmas light gazing, but that he was more than welcome to join us--knowing he didn't want anything to do with my family even when things weren't strained. He declined, but, yes, he will call so we can get together.

Needless to say, I never heard from him again.

But I lost my pride and sent him a scathing e-mail telling him what I thought about him and that it sucked that I had close to $100 worth of alcohol at his place because he had to opportunity to have me take it home that last confrontation at his house. I let him know that I know between having no balls, and that he wanted to keep my DVD a little longer, he was just stringing me along.

Again, no reply, but I felt better.

I saw him at Blockbuster months later, and my brother ran into him, too. He ducked and hid from sight, like the coward that he is. I think most guys I have dated, except for the one I ran into at a gay bar after he came out, (another story for another time), had enough character to be able to at least say "hi".

So, that is the story of Phildo.

As a sidenote--I never told him of my attack--because he was average at best and probably wouldn't have noticed a tighter than normal fit. And that is the truth.

*I didn't take the time to proofread this too carefully, so please excuse any typos or misspelled words!