How the heck did I attract THIS?

This is the profile of a guy who recently sent me a message on a dating site.

My best feature is my a all of me

The feature that captures my attention is a nice ass

In our free time, my ideal match and I would go to the sex shop to buy and try new things

My greatest guilty pleasure is is the feeling i get when i know I'm making a women feel like a women !!!!

The thing that makes me laugh is life and how people think that someone owes them something

My profile is so "girl next door". Here is a snippet:

I am looking for a nice guy to hang out with. I am out of my 20's, and over the long-haired bad boy thing, (actually, was never too much into that, anyway). I like men who can make me laugh, and can also have an interesting conversation.

What the heck part of that made this clown think I may be his type???

And a few months ago I had a similar guy who said he has a vibrator and large supply of batteries. Then added a "Bzzzzzzzzzzz!" into that sentence. Great.


In other dating news...Lawyer had to cancel, but is wanting to call me Sunday so we can talk some more and reschedule. I thought when he said he wanted to talk, that he was the first guy in ages with the backbone to say, "I'm just not interested in you" or, "You are far too good for me!" but when he said he wanted to reschedule, I changed my line of thinking. I am not too good for him.

I thought for sure the police office was interested in me, but I haven't talked to him since Monday. To be fair, he had a busy 2 days off, then had to go back to work after taking his comp time, so he may still be in the running. But, bear in mind, they guy whose house burned down and owns 2 businesses, DID manage to find time to call me.
I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.

But now, the real man in my life is wanting some lovin'. So, I going to go rub Fat Cat's tummy.